Monday.

A busy Monday, nearly done. Thank goodness! I just wanted to share this song with you.

College.

Scholarship day at Wesleyan was Saturday.

In case you don't know, this is when high school seniors compete for a bunch of scholarships that Wesleyan gives away.

It was really fun!

It was great to tour the campus, which is really beautiful,

And there was lots of yummy food.

All of the competitors even got a box of chocolate for Valentine's Day!

I received a $12,000 scholarship.

I was a little disappointed, but with Pell that is enough to pay for tuition.

I will probably use a loan to pay for housing.

While I had hoped for maybe a bit more from scholarship day, I'm happy to have had the experience.

And while I know it will be hard work, I truly am excited to attend Wesleyan in the fall.

I'm pretty sure I will attend. Georgia Southern invited me to their scholarship day in April, so I will also compete then and see what I might get. I would love to attend either college. I love Georgia Southern's gym, their library, the dorms, the campus, everything. It's a really nice school. Though I do love the people at Wesleyan and the academics. Either way, I think I will love wherever I end up attending.

I can't wait to make new friends and see new places and do new things.

I find it all really very exciting.

Sometimes I wish I could skip to the part of my life where I am graduated from college, have my degree and a great job, and am making lots of money.

Sometimes it would be nice to be able to go to the store and not worry about only being able to spend this much, or feel guilty for buying something because I know that money should be for college.

I suppose that time will come, but sometimes it IS hard to wait.

But, nonetheless, these are still some of the best times of my life, and I know I will treasure them as I grow old.

Exquisite.

The Girl in the Body of a Dream

I don’t even know why I returned -

All this place has ever done is burn.

Passing lights and exit signs,

As time flies, I do wonder why?

Did I think it would be any different,

To count on nostalgia to erase all of those long-found memories…

And it just doesn’t feel the same;

It’s a place to which I no longer have a claim.

Stuck in between the right end of the middle,

Will I ever solve this riddle?

Will I end up like the rest…

Without a place to rest my head.

Because I can’t bring myself to call it home,

And right now I’m feeling more and more alone.

All the months that I’ve been gone

And now I wake up alone each dawn.

And still I question myself,

All of the choices I’ve made.

Was it right for me to go

Or was it wrong for me to stay?

And it just doesn’t feel the same;

It’s a place to which I no longer have a claim.

Stuck in between the right end of the middle,

Will I ever solve this riddle?

Regrets, memories, the best of times -

I cut my ties to this old place.

And coming back,

I feel long gone,

It feels all wrong.

Bittersweet, sour on my tongue

Perhaps I feel wrong because I’m so young.

But, no – I’m far beyond my years.

Those tears were growing tears

And I, I was caught in between

Lost for being never seen -

A girl in the body of a dream.

Hand-Written.

Trepidations

I am finding

That maybe leaving everything behind

…Is a little harder than I thought.

The days go by,

Growing shorter to longer,

But never long enough.

And as the clock ticks by,

So does all that I ever had left.

I pack my life away into boxes,

This one’s, “take.”, this one’s, “leave.”

Say goodbye but, “We’ll meet again.”

We both know that we will never meet again.

Isn’t it funny how I now feel so calm?

Truth be told, to be honest;

I am scared.

This is a cliff -

Higher than any I have ever jumped before.

What if I fall?

What if I never land?

But despite my trepidations, I find that

My biggest fear

Has turned out to be

Never jumping at all.

Most Treasured

You are the rain in the sky

The tear in my eye

The song that I sing

The feathers on my wing

You are the sigh to my breath

The life to my death

The love in my heart

The frame to my art

You are the words to my picture

The moral to my scripture

The memories in my mind

My one of a kind

You are the words to my poem

The marrow to my bone

I will never be alone

Because you are my own.

Nostalgia.

Well hi there. Long time no post.

Lots of things have come and gone, Christmas and New Years and now almost Valentines Day.

Did anyone make any New Year's resolutions?

I did, but I lost the list...

I never see to follow them anyway.

I just make goals on a day-to-day basis and if I reach them, great, if not, move on.

(It's what planners are for).

Life seems like it should be settling into a normal rhythm (rythym? rythm? I can't never spell that word), and this past week since I've been back in Florida it has.

However, I still can't help but notice my upcoming graduation, moving out, finishing high school for good and starting a completely new life.

Not gonna lie, I'm super excited!

I am excited to live in a dorm and go to classes at a real college (not that VCC isn't, but, well, it doesn't really feel like it).

I am excited that I will be able to work out there and swim in Wesleyan's indoor swimming pool and meet friends and be on my own.

I'm also a little sad, a little nostalgic, about all the things I will leave behind.

As I go through all of my belongings and either put things in the "keep" pile or the "throw away" pile, I realize that, as terrible as it sounds, it almost seems like soon I will have to do that with my friends, too.

Let's be realistic here.

Most of my friends are staying in Florida, but here I am moving off to Georgia, and while that isn't very far away, I'm not going to see my friends, hang out with them, or talk with them nearly as much. These last few months may be the last that I ever see some of them again.

It's really a rather somber realization.

I find myself becoming a minimalist these last few months, my desire to want "things" fading each and every day. I don't care about the stuff piled in my closer anymore, the old clothes I said I'd keep for someday, a pile of Christmas presents under the tree. I find myself wanting short, sweet, and to-the-point things: such as, "will this be useful for my dorm?" (Coffee maker? Yes. 3-year old bouncy ball? Well, erm, no.)

I guess it's just kind of strange to know that in just a little while, my entire childhood will be packed into about 3 boxes.

- Lacy.