Poetry (New!)

I like to write poems, so I just thought I'd put some of them here.

I said love, I have nothing left.
I gave my heart to you
Now it's time for me to take my roots
And plant them somewhere new.

Look down the road, 
what do you see?
I see the stars are shining on
The girl I fought to be

And our ghosts, they still wandered
Floating back to that old tree
They met between the empty branches
Of the souls they used to be

But my ghost, she came to you this night
You were waiting there for me
I said, "I'm not a ghost at all"
But I've been repeating history...

I turned, and walked back down the road
That I'd seen for seven years
Realizing the voices that told me, "don't go there"
Were just the voices of my fears.

Apologie

I'm so sorry if it seems like I gave up on you
I want you to know that that's not true
It's just you seemed like you needed set free
And the only one to do it was... me.
Why me? I love you more than the sun and sky
Funny thing is I never had to try
I just did what felt right
So now why is the heart in my chest so tight?
I think my punishment is this agony,
Watching eyes of blue who don't see me
Perhaps all I really needed was some space
But now it's too late, too late
I'm so in love with our infinity
The thing that didn't last but forever haunts me
Is this the way things were supposed to go?
I cannot know, I guess I cannot know.

Happy

I dreamed you danced with someone else,
And I wondered if you'd moved on
Wondered if you'd found respite for your heart
That it turns out I was unable to give you

My heart hurts, not for me
But for you, the pain you went through
I never wanted that, no, I promised forever
What between now and then went wrong?

Thought we were suited
Made from stars and always
Now I'll watch you grow old
And it won't be me by your side

One year, and I'm still healing
It's a slow and steady process
One year, I'm still bleeding
And I'm bleeding for you

Blood on the ground, I remember what
We've been through, what we put us through
I remember the way things used to be
The way they nevermore can be

I dreamed you danced with someone else
And I wondered if you were happy
I dreamed you danced with someone else
I hope you are happy.

Faded

I faded.
I faded, and I'm sorry...
Once there, now just a memory
And now that's all I'll ever be

I promised you forever,
But forever was cut off
I guess I was too young to know what that was
It breaks me heart, dear, it does

Because what I said was true
And truly, truly I loved you
And to be honest, I still do
But I don't know what went wrong (it all went wrong)

All the good days are long gone
And we can never go back to the old times
Me and you, side by side
Those times are times we've bid goodybe

I faded, and I'm so sorry...
I'm so sorry forever didn't last
I think about fixing it sometimes,
But all I see is chasms

Chasms uncrossable, and we can never go back
The way things were is in the past
I faded, and I'm so sorry
That all I'll ever be is that long gone memory

It breaks my heart every time,
Because it's true - there's just nothing I can do
Truly, truly I loved you...
To be honest I still do.

But we're broken, I broke us in two
We damaged who we were beyond all repair
For it there is no fix, not after all this
All our love can ever be now is faded.

Butterfly

I am
But a doll.
Little, delicate, cold.
A fragile thing,
Held before pieces
By the too-rough hands of strangers
Lost in the din of a world
Where I'm the stranger, 
a passerby,
Never a player,
Just a fleeting
Butterfly.

No

Oh, how I wish they could know
All the secrets of my heart, 
That tiny, fragile soul;
That small, but broken thing
My God, it's true you gave me wings
So I could fly away
And yet it's you who beckons
Who calls - upon my heart to stay
Can you take my pain?
Can you tear it apart?
Or do you see - only me 
Burdened and dark?
I wish I could fly -
You'd see me in the stars
But here I will stay,
Bound by my heart.

Phase the Years Away

You say I don't cry for you
But darling, I do
I act alright, I act okay
Put on a front to get through the days
It's how I chase the demons away
But this front of mine can't erase
The memory of your kind face
I didn't want to hurt you, truly
But darling, you don't believe me
And so I must watch the colours fade to gray
While we chase these years of love away.

Best Intentions

Try, if you can to understand
The slight of hand that life has dealt to me
And try, if you can to empathize
I never wanted to weave those lies
But I found myself in this position
Where the world rescinds its recogntion
And though I'm not trying to hurt anyone,
My best intentions always come undone.

Windows to a Sad Soul

My beautiful sad eyes
See everything.
They weep
For the love we lost
For the broken
They see
The pain that lurks beneath
The darkness, as it creeps;
Sad eyes
Are the windows to a sad soul
And the world doesn't know,
Doesn't know.

Patina

Sweet, lovely thing
You used to mean so much to me
Now, you hang on my wall
I'm afraid you mean little at all
The shine of the world has 
Stolen your luster,
Has broken you down,
Tarnished and brassed
But patina's do glow with a beautiful glimmer
Even though they cover what was meant to last.

Latch

If I were to close my eyes and just write...
I'd feel the hurt, coursing through my veins
My eyes would feel the ghosts of teardrops fallen
My heart would beat
I am, I am, I am
Faintly, so faintly because -
it died; I resurrected her
Only to go on living, wondering
If it was worth the price I paid?
It was, it was
I just wish I could cleanse it all - make the images,
The memories, sterile
For they cut deep into me
Every time my mind wanders...
Latching into my soul
It hurts.

The Girl With Shadows

They say she's the girl without a care
The girl with flowers in her hair
They say she's happy all the time
The girl who colours in the lines
They say she's kind to one and all
The girl with shadows in her soul

We hide our secrets buried deep
Ashes to ashes and dark that creeps
We paste old smiles on our face
But they only mask life's bitter taste

They say she's the girl
With no pain to show
But how much of this girl
Do they really know?

Old

She didn't know, couldn't know
The pain we keep inside
The pain that lies without
Is testing her, teaching her

All she felt was sorrow
That world, her life, was different
And as she laid her head at night she felt alone.
City lights, stars in the darkness

Closed eyes.

Fighting, searching, stumbling her feet
through alleyways, broken streets and glimmering lights
She was looking for that place, that safe place 
For her heart to rest

But in that moment, she couldn't see, couldn't see it -
She just felt, she mourned and she whispered,
And in this moment, 
I am so aware
Of how old the pain makes me feel. 


Rebirth

Do not let

Old memories fester in your heart –

They’ll tear you apart

Rather, embrace them for what they are

Those ugly, beautiful scars

Those times, they were part of you,

Made you blue

They make you hurt and cry

But they are stars in your sky

I know how much it hurts –

Flowers, they must first come from dirt

And you, you’re a diamond made from coal

It took time to make you perfect and whole

And you, you are a sky that is black as night

Because only in darkness can you see the starlight

And now you, when you hurt, will remember this:

The most beautiful views are made from darkness.

Stained Glass Answers

I search for questions

I don’t know

And for which I can’t find answers

And all these years, I’m still reeling, 

Searching, seeking to understand

The proverbial, “why?”

And God, he doesn’t give me answers

In the ways that I’d expect

Rather, he gives me glimmers, like

Sunlight falling

Through stained glass windowpanes.

Guardian Angel

Clear as water,
Dark as day
I write to chase these
Thoughts away

Blackest black
And whitest white
We're children of sunshine
Cast into night

Sweet, small soul
With life to live -
You'll soon learn
Life's more take than give

But, don't feel down
When life's a mess
God grants us grace
With holy finesse

Sweet soul, be strong
For soon comes the day
When angels will chase
Your troubles away.

Tilted Shadows

We became too tainted to be beautiful
Unless you tilted us just right
Letting the light cast shadows on our flaws
But if you stare at us too long,
You will see the paint -
Chipped, cracked, faded
The closer that you get
And, my dear,
It would be not wise
To leave our fate to time -
Try as we might, to cover our exterior
With pretty veneers, glossy lies
To make us beautiful again...
Forever will our foundation
Be broken.
 
Fearless 

I am scarred
I am bruised
I am a picture, lovely
But the dust has settled on me
But I promised -
I'd be fearless.

I am young,
I am old
Too naive,
So I've been told
But I promised -
I'd be fearless.

I am here
I am gone
I am right,
I am wrong
But I promised -
I'd be fearless.

I am clean,
I am new
Now I know
I love you too
Because I promised -
I'd be fearless.

Have You Ever Seen the Ocean?

Have you ever seen the ocean?
Or felt a sunset sky
Have you loved enough for thousands
Did you even have to try?
Did you give your heart intentionally,
Or did love search for you?
Did you let love heal and guide your way
Or break you into two?
My story isn't new, it just shaped all of my life
I loved with all I had to give
Love cut me like a knife
I don't regret, love did me well
Fair maiden, love is she 
But sometimes I go to the ocean still
To toss my heart into the sea
She haunts me in my dreams at night,
She cries, "remember when?"
I gave my heart to the ocean waves
To forget what could have been.

Colour My Dreams

Sing me a lullaby
Because I need some comfort
I keep doubting myself...

Sing me a lullaby
Because I need a reminder
That the world is still a good place...

Sing me a lullaby
Because I need to know
Will you care for this weary heart?

And sing me a lullaby
Because I'm tired now
And you will colour my dreams to life.

Roots

These years level me
And bring me to my roots everytime
Ground me, remind me
Of the place from where I came

Hold me, embrace me, push me forward
Bring me to the place where my knees can sink
They hold my heart
In a safe, quiet place

What is it that draws me back everytime?
Is it comfort? Love of memories?
Or was it you,
Drawing me back to these roots all along?

My Thoughts and I

I savour the quiet moments
When I am alone with my thoughts
When I wake in the morning,
The world still dark;
As I sit under the tree
During lunch, gathering myself
When I go to sleep at night
My thoughts lull me to slumber
I cannot get
As much time as I'd like
Sometimes, I close my eyes
And simply tune out the world
To steal a quiet moment
To reflect
For my thoughts, they right me
My thoughts, they lift me high
My thoughts, they calm me
And I love
The moments when
It's just my thoughts and I.

Home

Home
Is in your eyes
Wherever your sweet smile lies
Home
Is a place for my heart
Where we are never apart
I waited for so long for you to say -
That I was the one that made your day
And now that that day has finally come
My heart burns brighter than the radiant sun
And I'm so happy with you, my dear, it's true -
I'm so blessed to know I am something to you
Now I rise each day with a smile on my face,
To know that home lies within your embrace.

The Purpose In Broken

This is a place
For the broken,
Rest your tired feet
The footsteps of your life have worn you down.
And my dear, I will love you -
For I am broken too,
One of few that tries to understand you.

This is a place
For those who triumph
Tell me your victories
The obstacles you've pushed past.
Don't be afraid, I will still love you -
For I am broken too,
One of few that is slowly understanding you.

This is a place
For the strong
We fight every day,
Trading pain for more time.
And always, I promise I will love you -
For I am broken too,
I am
One of few that truly understands you.

Scars are Life's Tattoos - because I'm feeling kind of sad.

Guilt, sorrow, loss
Freedom, love, purity
When will I stop grieving?
When can I stop hurting?
And I don't regret,
I just wish it hurt a little less.

Every step I take
I fall back two
Every thought, every memory...
Brings back thoughts of you
And I don't regret,
I just wish it hurt a little less.

My copacetic nightmare,
Dream come true
I loved, and lost to you
Gave it my all, fearless -
And I don't regret,
I just wish it hurt a little less.

These are the scars I bear
Life's tattoos I wear
The price I paid -
For growing up and spreading wings
And I don't regret...
I just wish it hurt a little less.

Sunflower Dance

Red
Like the roses we've grown
Blue
It dances round my head
Grey
Like an arrow, my heart reaches out
To the people, souls that I see
The tired, the broken, the weary

She spins about the room
Wears the colour red
And sunflowers dance
Upon her head

Worldly waters, changing Earth
Life is tulips, mud and dirt
Fast and fleeting,
Ever-change;
Clouds descend
And out pours the rain

Love her or hate her,
She wears the colour red
And sunflowers dance
Upon her head.

Coulour Me To Life

I try to be me
I try to be free
As hard as that is, for
As long as I've known
I was searching, seeking
To find myself -
Those big, deep parts of my soul
Those little things that make me whole
Molding, conforming, shaping to this world,
I was a lost girl...
But little steps, long walks
Fresh canvases, and coffee stores
New book smells and kind words
Pulled me back
And coloured me to life again.

For a Friend

Friendship is
The strongest love we hold
Beautiful and calm, but bold

Friendship is
What's left when nothing's there
Our solid ground under fleeting air

I am your friend
Dear, I am here for you
Always know this to be true

And when it's you and I
And our hope is gone
I'll hold your hand and carry on

Because you are my friend,
Alone we are weak
But together we can conquer
Together we are strength.

Beyond Repair (Next poem will be more happy)

Such pretty, petty followers
Of life inside my head
I stop, realize and wonder
Is it I who's really dead?
This lovely world around me
Isn't theirs, it's mine alone
But that's the price I pay for wishing
For a life my own
These figures leave their traces
Leave their marks, their memories
But it's I who's left with bruises
In the place of all my needs
Still I make this world around me
Full of clouds, and light and air
Even though the place that loved me
Left me torn beyond repair.

Healer

I actually
Can't seem to fix you
I can
Kiss you
Tell you I miss you
I can
Show you
All the little things I do
To make it okay
To get us through the day
I can
Love you
As
Shakespeare wrote in prose
I can
Listen to your woes
I am
A healer
I am
Here to love the broken.

Springer Mountain

Sweat, lows, leaves
Mountaintop vista
Dirt and rocks, Earth is a cradle and she
Wraps me in her
Green embrace
Branches clear
Warm rocks ahead
Fade away, reveal a view -
A legacy of a million footsteps
Clouds, so close
We touch the sky
The Earth sings a leafy lullaby
Calls me to her, my heart at peace -
Springer Mountain
At my feet.