Florida Adventure

I've been in Florida one week now. I'm going up to Liveoak Thursday to see my grandparents for a brief visit, and then it's back up to Georgia! I've missed Georgia a lot, which surprises me quite a bit. The quiet country highway roads, winding through cotton fields and through groves of ancient oaks where old family graveyards, housing tombstones made of weathered rock, lie in the shade, full of their secrets. Tiny, two-stop sign towns with shady old gas stations, perhaps a diner and an aged vintage consignment shop. The towns all looking more or less the same but all with their own personality: A large, grand brick courthouse in the middle, a statue in the town square bearing some Civil War Hero of long ago, and downtown nestled all around it. The sleepy, slow-paced feel of the deep south that makes you think you are the only person in the world as you drive down seldom-traveled roads and highways you've never heard of. Those beautiful groves of pecan trees, little ponds dug into patches of green farmland. Atlanta's fast-paced flow, the feel of the city that envelops you as you find yourself traveling down I-75 through downtown, watching as the cars weave in and out 6-lane roads. It's terrifying, but you learn your way if you travel it enough.

Georgia is sleepy, and not the same as where I grew up. Shopping has become something you plan, a trip you look forward to, because there's not that many places close by. Eating out is only once in a while when the nearest nice restaurant is over 30 minutes away. People know who you are, in fact, it's all about who you are. Who you know matters.

The cold winters, the hot hot summers, the falls where the leaves turn gold and red and yellow and the sky is a cloudless blue, the spring where cold rains drench the landscape and bring multicolored flowers to life all around you.

It's different to me, and I've come to love Georgia.

It's been a fun trip, though. I enjoyed the break, seeing my family after so long, my mom and Dad who I never get to see as often as I'd like. It hasn't been about Diabetes this week, or stressing out about school, or worrying about work being slower than I'd like it to be. It's been about seeing old friends, traveling to all of my old favorite places, spending quality time with people. Sleeping in my old bed, in my old room, now painted a light, neutral green instead of the bright, vibrant shade of blue that I'd made mom promise not to paint over - I don't mind though. I've missed petting my cat and greeting her at the door, her soft fur rubbing against my ankle and hearing her purr by my head as she sleeps on my pillow with me at night. It's a comfortable fit for me here, full of nostalgia and my childhood and old memories. I'll miss it when I go.

Never Take Insulin For Granted

I felt numb, and cold and scared. As if my entire world was crumbling to pieces over my head. Any security I might have lulled myself into believing this past year felt obsolete, gone. None. Nothing. Zero. I am a college student, I am Type 1 Diabetic, and I do not have insurance.

The shock is like re-discovering I have Diabetes. I don't know what to expect, and it's scary. Any freedom of mind and carefree lifestyle seems obsolete. It's hard to not have the security of knowing how I'm getting insulin or test strips each month. What if I get sent to the hospital? I'll never get an insulin pump now, not until I graduate college in 4 years and hopefully get a job with health benefits.

I'm sad. I'm so upset at this disease. I feel so many emotions, but most of all just a strong sense of hopelessness and anger at what Diabetes has done to me. I know this is a terrible way to feel, and I shouldn't pity myself. But I'm just so angry. I'm in college! I should have this nice, carefree College life, but Diabetes took that away from me. I'm forever resigned to being DD, I can't dive into the chip bowl at parties, and my meter is practically attached at the hip wherever I go. Now I have to worry about paying for medical supplies and care. I hate the worry and stress that this disease has put me through. My life would be so much simpler without it....

I found out I am not getting Medicaid renewed this year. As soon as the end of this month, and certainly by my 19th birthday this year, I will have no means of getting care except for out of pocket. Endocrinologist visits, blood testing that cannot be afforded, insulin, test strips, lancets and syringes are expensive, now self-paid necessities.

I was angry at first. I do not understand how people can cheat the system, get welfare, get food stamps even when they do not need them... and yet I am hard working, and trying to make something of my life, but have no access to health care simply because I found out one day that I had this disease. It's a helpless feeling. I am still angry. I feel trapped in this nightmare, and robbed of my life. My life wasn't supposed to be like this! I shouldn't even have this disease! Diabetes has stolen my freedom. I do not have a normal life as I wish I could. But most of all I am just plain scared. Scared my parents and I won't be able to afford the care that I need to stay alive and healthy. Scared one day I will have to choose insulin over education. (Scared I can't afford college too.) Scared to be a burden on my mother and father.

This week I just feel the overwhelming need to cry and cry. How will things work out and be okay now?

Especially now, I will never take having insulin for granted...

Would You Prefer Treatment A.) Get Pricked By Needle, Or Treatment B.) Get Pricked By Needle

Summer is finally here, and I've spent the last week being happily lazy and carefree as can be. My dorm was packed, I said my farewells to Hightower 119, and bid goodbye to all of my friends until the Fall.

And I have more time to blog!


I think this Summer will be great. I'm spending a good amount of time in both Georgia and Florida, and I can't wait until I can see my friends again. It will be nice to sit out by the pool and get tan, and not be scoffed at for my perfectly-conservative-by-Floridian-terms short shorts.

There's also some business to get down to once I am in Florida again. I will be seeing my endocrinologist, and I'm considering asking her about the insulin pump for the first time ever. I have spent my entire Diabetes career anti-pump but now I feel like I might be ready to take a leap of faith. Or maybe it's because I'm sick of feeling pressured by everyone into getting one, and they tell me how great and easy it will apparently make my life. I just don't see it quite yet. Maybe I lack vision. But I am willing to at least give the pump a try. I don't know if it will change my life greatly, and I don't know if it will change my life for better or worse. I don't ever know if I am going to get the pump. But I suppose I owe it to myself to try the available options of treatment and, while the pump is not a CGM (what I really want), maybe it will improve my treatment.

Will the pump be annoying? What about at princess or clown parties? As a Florida girl, will it affect swimming? Will it be annoying to have something attached to me? Will it hurt? My mind swims with worries, but also with curiosity. Either way, I'm still getting pricked by needles. Which I still loathe ( I hate how I have little light red pinpricks visible all over my skin), but maybe I'll loathe one less than the other. I guess I won't know until I try.