Reflections

Graduation is t-minus 3 months away, and life has never felt stranger.

I've been excited for this day for a long time.

But now that it's finally almost here, I don't know what to think anymore.

These days, I look at old pictures, re-visit places, and have conversations with old friends. But what really shocks me is when we will talk and reminisce on old times, and suddenly realize that those old times happened years ago.

That High School truly was a daze. It flew by.

Now all of my regrets, my experiences, my choices, my past - have come back to haunt me.

I never realized how strange it would be to graduate.

I assumed it would be amazing, exciting and new - and it is.

But at the same time, sometimes I find myself simply overwhelmed.

Because underneath my veneer of excitement, truth is, I'm terrified.

People tell you that Senior Year is awesome. Amazing. A fun blur of prom, parties, and friends. What they fail to tell you is that it is a flurry of tests, paperwork, college searches, essays, transcripts, phone calls, letters, and suddenly, shockingly; a face-to-face encounter with a major dose of real-world responsibility.

If you can afford to buy a brand new $200 prom dress, get your hair professionally done, and rent a limo, kudos. You're extensively well-off.

If you ever manage to have time to spend time with your friends, congratulations. You are an expert at multitasking.

Last night, I did a major clean-through of my room. I'm talking throwing out old pencils, school supplies, souvenirs, clothes, magazines, everything. All of a sudden, after 17 years of being a pack-rat, I am determined to be a minimalist. I feel as if the more stuff I have weighing me down, the more painful it will be to let go of the life I am now on the precipice of leaving behind.

With every old, unneeded item I throw away, I leave a little more of that old life behind. I've been doing several series' of room-purging these past few months, and I must say that the effect has now become quite extensive. It has now dawned on me that I haven't much else to "minimalize" any more. And even that's too much. I will leave more behind as, in just a few months, I will get out the boxes and pack up merely the necessities.

It hasn't been easy, parting with all of my stuff. I'll pick something up and think, "Oh, I'll want that", but then have to stop myself and think, "Do I really need this? I haven't used it in years." So, the clothes that haven't been worn since middle school (but I am still convinced I will someday fit into again) have been given away to charity. Old toys and birthday party favors have been tossed in the trash. My sentimental items have been numbered down, placed in boxes for someday or for the scrapbooks when I get around to it.

And... It helps me feel at peace.

After years of gathering this and that, it feels good to let go.

I am moving on, bit by bit.

But the hardest is still yet to come.