These days, there is a sadness in my heart.
I feel it more some times than I do others -
Driving the backroads of south Georgia, the late afternoon sun filtering down through the clouds to the fields...
sleepy old cemeteries, tombstones blanketed with moss and bearing years long since past.
Georgia isn't perfect.
But nonetheless, I am in love.
I so value these last few years - this time I've had, the moments, the memories, the laughs, the trials and many sorrows, the joys. My journey to Georgia has taken me so many incredible places, taught me so many knew things, taught me so much about who I am. I have truly grown into my own here, and with it I have further found my purpose, my confidence, my strength, my drive, my passion, my character.
I revel in it - and it's all about to end, soon. Maybe I'll still be in Georgia, maybe I'll be in Florida - nonetheless, the life I have created for myself, the people I have come to know at Wesleyan, the familiar things I have grown to love like getting coffee downtown, visiting the cemetery and sneaking into the cathedrals - will be only memories soon enough. My life is moving forward, and I'm sad, because I love it so dearly and I'm not ready for it all to end. My life is about to start a new chapter, and it is unknown and frightening and exhilarating and startlingly real all at the same time.
But here is a victory that cheers me up - throughout the last three years, Diabetes has never dulled a moment of the bright and beautiful memories I have gathered. Never stopped me from enjoying my life here. Despite the fact that, like so many other things, Diabetes has been interwoven into the tapestry of my life, becoming as close to me as my own heartbeat.
What were some of your greatest accomplishments? Was a question I was asked at one of my interviews for Graduate school.
1. Starting my business.
2. Learning to push forward and succeed in spite of everything else going on in life.
3. Not letting Diabetes limit me.
3 is a lie. Sometimes, Diabetes limits me. Sometimes because I let it. Other times it's the one that does the limiting. Yes, I can eat carbs, no, I try not to. I hate working out, getting low, and ending up eating everything plus the kitchen sink, negating my workout. Or having to take 30 minutes off work to recover from a low. It's not without its frustrations. My meter, my insulin, my 15 grams of carbs are crutches than I must carry with me through life. Type 1 Diabetes is a title that will brand me so long as I carry it.
But I look at where I was, and I look at where I am now - and I am here! Here I stand, at the foot of my dreams - here I stand, ready to finish - and begin - the product that all of my effort, sweat, stress, tears and hard work have gone towards. I want to be a Physical Therapist, I want to push myself to new limits, I want to be successful, and Diabetes won't stop me from doing any of that.
It's a good realization to have...
And it's best to cheer myself up as much as possible before Graduate School starts, where I'll be chin-deep in studying with no hope of a life until graduating in three years... :P
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