It's an overcast Sunday here in the Southern Apple, and I am spending my last Sunday of true freedom (I can't really count next week since orientation starts Thursday) relaxing as much as I can. When I first came to Atlanta, I worried a little that it would take a long time to actually train my brain into thinking that was home. It's weird - you spend the last 3 years of your life driving up and down the same stretch of interstate, and it doesn't know quite how to respond when you transplant home 70 miles north off the same interstate, in a place you frequent so much for work but have lived so long never staying in, only at few-hour intervals at a time in the past. It's difficult to quite transplant what I mean by that. Every time I go to Macon now, it feels like home, but it's not. Every time I go to Atlanta, it feels like home now also, but it still feels weird, like I'm wearing this beautiful new outfit that I only tried briefly in the store. Now I'm trying it on in my own mirror at home and I'm questioning if I really like it or not. Should I return it? Well, I took the tag off, so now I can't. I'll have to learn to love it.
That was the most in-depth metaphor about clothing, I know. Haha.
That was the most in-depth metaphor about clothing, I know. Haha.
The main thing is, Atlanta amazes me every time I step outside my door. I'm all of 10 minutes from downtown, and even in a small radius, there seem to be dozens of EVERYTHING. A dozen coffee shops to try. (I've been to 3 so far and love them all). A dozen krogers. Farmer's markets. Libraries. Don't even get me started on restaraunts. Or parks! Coming from Macon, it amazes me that I was able to amuse myself with the one or two varieties of everything there. Even coming from Orlando, I guess you would think that I should be more used to it, but I have always lived in suburbs away from the city, really. I guess I had never really developed a taste for trying all of the different things in Orlando, due to my younger age while living there. I seem to have developed this insatiable appetite for exploration of all things new in my college years especially. That, and I naturally think that growing up in orlando made me somewhat immune to the large amount of "everything" there also.
The two cities also just have completely different vibes. Atlanta is VERY different from Orlando. Downtown is bigger. The culture and art here, astonishing. Even the different cultures of the neighborhoods, like East Atlanta and Cabbage town, amazes me. There are subcultures everywhere.
The two cities also just have completely different vibes. Atlanta is VERY different from Orlando. Downtown is bigger. The culture and art here, astonishing. Even the different cultures of the neighborhoods, like East Atlanta and Cabbage town, amazes me. There are subcultures everywhere.
I think that's why I'll like it here. There is something in atlanta for everything, and the fact that everyone expresses themselves so differently makes you feel so welcome to express yourself. Your own style, your own mannerisms. Do your own thing - you are welcome here. I missed in macon the feeling of being able to lose yourself in the big city - how warmly alone you can feel in the crowd, the privacy it affords. You can go through life here surrounded by huge crowds, and yet you are in yohr own little world because everyone else is in theirs. In macon, everyone new everyone. This was novel and new at first, but I'm not so sure now that my city-raised self truly liked this or not.
Despite the overwhelming new-ness that has me reeling still, though, I do feel that I am integrating into city life very well, for a once-city-then-small-town-thrown-into-a-huge-city-alone girl. It's strange, because my transit to Macon was softened due to my knowing a lot of people closely before and while moving there. Here, wesleyan has pulled through for me because I do have some friends and a few from macon here and there, but aside from them and my roommate, this place is truly new and I am more alone here than I've ever been. It is up to me to shape my new life, but I am up for the challenge. I am a woman with many weaknesses, but I am also a woman who knows her strengths. My ability to find contentment in the littlest of things, passion for adventure, ability to be both introverted and extroverted as the need requires and, ultimately, my ability to take everything set before me in stride enable me to start paving the road of my new life brick by shining beautiful brick, and I foresee a long, lovely road will arise from my journey, complete with dozens of beautiful scenic outlooks. It is simply my nature, and so I know that God has prepared me for this newest journey so fully and perfectly that I no longer doubt myself or doubt things for a moment. In fact, I almost feel bad for worrying about this move so much. Why did I ever doubt that God knew exactly how things would work and fall perfectly into place? Why did I doubt that Atlanta wouldn't be the perfect place to call home after all the hints he dropped that it would be, and all the opportunities he gave me with my work traveling to slowly become used to the city? God knew exactly what he was doing, and all of the struggles I have faced up to this point... the struggles even this year alone... and yes, my struggle with Diabetes, have done a beautiful thing:
They have strengthened me, made me aware of my weakness and humanity, and taught me what my strengths are. They have showed me my own unique purpose and callings. Given me passion and a platform to stand on. Taught me lessons in overcoming what felt like, at times, the impossible. Showed me that god pulls us through even the darkest of dark. Showed me how to love live even with the inevitable darkness that colours life and, hell, that life isn't complete without that darkness, just as it needs the light. Behold, I have become this strong, independent, driven, infinitely passionate, art-craving, knowledge-thirsty, humanity - loving woman prepared for everything to come, even the challenges I haven't met with yet. And how does Atlanta help? Atlanta is a fresh start, and it also fuels my passion for finding the potential and new experiences that will help me to achieve new heights. I see it everywhere: I see it as I sit in the coffee shop writing this, reading the little quotes stuck on the windows, I see it on quiet Sunday mornings as I pay bills and answer emails, as I traverse piedmont park, and successfully navigate through the vast bustle of the city.
Potential is everywhere, and I have never felt it so strongly. And truly, when the world is at my fingertips and I'm so very aware of it... what is to stop me now?
Today, I am thankful for my strength, and simply thankful for life. I'm thankful for the lessons Diabetes has taught me, the sketchy alleyways of the city, and birthday parties I do in trailers in the middle of pecan groves (more on that later), I'm thankful for the towering skyscrapers, good coffee, wearing skirts for no reason, and for good music. How can one person be so overjoyed and filled with love for everything that is life, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful?
It's all so beautiful to me, and the ability to see that beauty in everything is what I am thankful for the most.
P.s. and I'm thankful because I FINALLY successfully parallel parked! (Don't make fun of me, it's not required on the FL driving test).
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