Continued.

Life has slowed.

It's been a week, and I am learning.

This whole experience has been a crash course.

Things have to be taken one step at a time.

Diabetes has slowly seeped into every bit of my life, affecting all of me.

It affects how I think of going off to college. Hanging out with friends. Going out to eat. Exercise. Bedtime. When I take my showers. So many things.

I mourn the easiness with which I once led my life, only a week ago.

It's strange to have a terminal illness.

To be, as overly dramatic as it sounds, so close to death.

I live with death every day now it seems, depending on insulin to take the place of the pancreas that failed me. I don't even have health insurance; we're still waiting to get federal aid. Without it, I couldn't even afford the very thing it takes to keep me alive.

If I skip an insulin shot, I could die.

Tomorrow, my life could end.

I suppose that could happen to anyone, but it feels odd to know there is no cure, that my disease is fatal.

Death does not scare me. You'd think I'd be terrified, but I figure if God wants to take me tomorrow, or 50, or 80 years from now, let it be. I've just sort of resigned myself to that fact. Death will come when it does.

It's strange to think I was a perfectly healthy girl, and this is me now.

No one really knows why you get Type I diabetes. I certainly don't.

A week ago I knew nothing about it.

Now I know more than most doctors.

Needles are my greatest fear, and now I have to give myself shots before every meal. It makes the day seem to much longer.

Now eating is a hassle, a process.

Look up carbs, carefully count them, test my blood sugar, look up my dose, inject Novalog. Dinner time? Inject Lantus as well. Bedtime? Do I need more insulin? What's my blood sugar? 2am? Is my blood sugar okay? Will I be alive in the morning? Want to go for a drive? Sure, let me check my blood sugar first. Want to go out to eat? Gimme a sec, I have to go give my shots...

Life has taken a lot of adjusting to. These past days I have been so emotional, so up and down. I don't know what to think, I am feeling so many things.

I don't blame God for this happening to me. I don't feel resentment. But there are times that I am sad, I am exhausted, I am angry. This is such a learning experience. This will take so much time.