Man, do I feel bad for not blogging in a while. It's been on my mind - it's just, life is so full of many other colorful, exciting things that it's easy to forget about writing down all my experiences online. :)
Here I am, though. It's hard to pick something to write about - so instead of taking things from the present right away, I want to touch a little on December and Winter Break before writing about things right now.
When I left off, I was describing my pseudo science experiment in minimizing my Blood Sugar testing each day. I have to say that overall, the experiment was a failure. Originally, the minimal testing inspired me to make healthier eating choices overall. However, it soon became a case of my simply being lazy. Tired. Uninspired.
Burnt out.
"Out of sight, out of mind." If I didn't check my BG, I didn't have to face the consequences of not managing my sugars as well as I should have been, right?
I wish it worked like that, but of course, things in life are rarely easy - we all know that I am wrong.
On top of that, my insulin levels changed from a ratio of 1 unit to every 8 carbs to about 1:5. This doesn't seem like a big difference, but look at it this way: If I have oatmeal that is 30 carbs for breakfast, calculating my insulin ratio using the 1:8, I would give myself 4 units of insulin to cover myself (32 carbs). However, counting carbs using the 1:5 ratio, I would need 6 units - this difference can mean a difference in my blood sugar of almost 100 mg/dL (the difference between a BG of 120 and one of 220).
Long story short, my BG levels for the month of December were, erm, ... a disaster. I was dreading visiting my endocrinologist in Florida over Winter Break because I just knew they would be disappointed, especially after my summer A1C had been so great. I felt a sense of shame, really, because I knew that I was better than this - but I was slacking, and I wasn't putting in the effort that I should have in order to care for myself right.
I could use the excuse that my old insulin meter broke, leaving my hundreds of stocked up test strips lying useless in their box, and that I only had about 100 One Touch test strips left (the new prescription for which CVS has STILL not filled... but that's a different blog). But ultimately, I know that the problem was me. If you don't put in the effort, you won't get the numbers you want. it's frustrating, really - I just hate how time consuming and effort-demanding this disease can be. Even if I don't have time for it, Diabetes makes itself impossible to be ignored. If I let down my guard for even a few hours, it seems, my sugars creep up...and up... and up...
So after my failure of an endocrinologist appointment in mid-December (which was a shameful experience indeed), I resolved to do better. My endocrinologist made me feel pretty stupid for even considering testing only a few times a day, but I suppose it had started out as a valiant effort, right?
After my appointment, I knew I needed to shape up. I more carefully monitored the food that I intook - going back to very low carb, and very precise carb counting. My endo also was able to give me about 100 more One Touch test strips, so that I could test a little more often as I waited for CVS to sort my prescriptions out. In about a week, my sugars weren't perfect, but were markedly better.
I'm not proud of my high levels, but I did learn from the experience. I realized just how much I was willing to work hard to get to the numbers I need to be at. And while I think that I was experiencing a little bit of a burn out, I understand that it happens and that while I'm still learning the ins and out of this disease, that I'm going to make mistakes and, yes, lapses of judgement. Now, at least, I feel a renewed sense of ambition towards getting my A1C even better than ever before.
As of January, my levels are still high occasionally, but my average lies at around 155 for the month, which is pretty darn awesome (and below 180!). My goal is to get my average to about 130, as my new target BG is 130 (a "big girl" goal, as my endocrinologist told me), and things are looking positive. On top of that, I've begun working out again, and am on my third straight week. While I've noticed a spike in my glucose levels short-term after exercising, my overall basal insulin needs have gone down from 20 units of Lantus to 17 units, so my overall insulin needs have lowered.
Hopefully, I will make better progress - and realize that I need to put in more effort - in the future.
Diabetes burn-out, be gone!
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