Contagious Diabetes?

Last week, my apartment-mate Crystal turned to me and stated,

"You know, since we started living together, I've just about stopped eating carbs."

I thought this truly funny, because lately I've noticed a trend that people close to me will start mimicking my low-carb diet, as though being around me makes it contagious. It might be for a short period of time - maybe over a couple of days at camp, or, like Crystal, over the school year, or for others, simply because they're curious as to what it's like.

I don't expect people to do this - I don't even encourage it (I think?) But it makes me oddly...happy. Granted, I don't feel as though I need others to emulate what I choose to go through for the sake of my happiness. I am happy in and of itself because of the fact that eating healthy helps me control my glucose levels better. It's nice to know that what I choose to put into my body is healthy and healthier for me. I am confident that at least for now, the way I choose to approach my diet is the right choice for me. I've stopped eating cereal, pasta is on my "banned" list, and my soda drinking days are a thing of the past.
And I've noticed how great it makes me feel! I eat lots of natural foods - fruits, vegetables, slow-acting carbs such as oatmeal - and try to avoid highly processed foods and foods with a great deal of sugar, such as candy bars and cookies.

Most of the time, I do not feel as though I am missing out because of this decision. I think that the benefits outweigh the costs. But of course, that's not to say there aren't times when I get sad about having to turn down the big bowl of chicken alfredo, or being guilted by my inner Diabetes-police into not eating the chocolate chip pie. I do. Sometimes, it's not even the fact that I passed up the delicious unhealthy food - it's feeling as though since I know it won't have a good effect on my sugar, passing it up the only option I have a justifiable right to choose, and choosing otherwise would be an irresponsible fault on my part. The guilt is what gets to me - and the feeling as though Diabetes is what makes the choices, not me.
And yeah, I'll say it: feeling like this it has its sucky, downright depressing points.
I'm not perfect at this - I eat unhealthy sometimes, too. I'll have a third slice of pizza, a piece of candy, or a slice of birthday cake. Sometimes I bolus successfully for these foods, and I feel triumphant, accomplished, a master of Diabetes. Sometimes, it turns out to be a huge disaster, and my blood sugars will soar. I'll then take my blood glucose meter to a corner, test, and look around to see if anyone saw the number on the meter, hoping they haven't. I'll pull the test strip out, turning off the meter, and hide it quickly as I grab my insulin pen and subtly give myself an insulin injection. Then I feel shame - disappointment in myself - frustration, and anger at Diabetes. Anger at not only what Diabetes does to my body, but what it does to my mind. How wrong is it that I should feel guilt for doing something as simple as eating dessert every once in a while? That I should feel too bad about myself to eat when my sugar is higher than it should be? That I have to answer to other's accusations about that number on the meter screen when, were they to wake up one morning at 2 a.m. in a hospital bed faced with the same fate, they themselves would make the same mistakes I have made?

How can I make them understand? I never want my sugars to be high. I don't want my mouth to feel parched, to feel as though I've taken a beating from a bus, to feel my eyelids grow heavy with sugar-induced sleepiness. But sometimes it's torment, to never be congratulated for my choice to eat healthy, but rather feel held up to some stereotyped expectation by others that that's how I should be acting. To be made to feel as though eating properly all of the time is the good thing, the right thing, the diabetic thing to do. Good diabetics eat healthy all the time - good diabetics never eat dessert - good diabetics accept it without any feeling at all...
I'm only human, and while I love to eat healthy, sometimes I want to make those "bad" choices sometimes, too.

And so, the fact that my diet with Diabetes is sometimes "contagious" to others makes me feel not quite so alone, both when it comes to my choice to eat healthy, and when I am feeling particularly down about it.
I'm glad that Crystal supports me, and that I've encouraged her (whether purposely or unwittingly) to eat healthy and relatively low-carb. Crystal makes me feel as though I have a true friend - we support each other eating healthy and hold each other accountable.
It's a touching gesture when a friend who sits next to me me will refuse a tempting, delicious, homemade brownie sundae... because I can't eat it either.
I feel as though there is a purpose to my choice when someone else decides to try to eat low carb, just to gain a better understanding of what eating with Diabetes is like.

And yes, at the end of the day, I know that my war on Diabetes is my fight alone.
But it's good to know that there are people that help to make fighting the battles easier.