I Wear My Insulin Bruises Like Battle Scars

Ouch. The insulin has struck back again, and this time with a vengeance. I know I've already blogged about my colorful, rainbow-riffic insulin bruises before, but this morning as I was getting ready, I just got to thinking about all of the things Diabetes would be like in a perfect world. (Granted if, in a perfect world, Diabetes did exist, which in mine it wouldn't).

1. In a perfect world, insulin injections wouldn't leave bruises. Or, for that matter, it wouldn't leave tiny microscopic holes in my skin, either. My stomach, my arms, my.... legs, would be perfectly bruise-free. Some people fear bikini season because of too many Holiday cookies - I fear bikini season because of my bruises. Nothing like having a great swimsuit to wear and a great bruise to match the color of that swimsuit right on the side of your stomach. In that elusive, perfect world with perfect Diabetes, bikini season would be worry-free for me, and people wouldn't have to wonder about whether my apartment-mate, Crystal, is beating me up. (ha-ha).

2. In a perfect world, the lancet would work on my finger the first time. Not the second, not the third, not the fourth... the first.I wouldn't have to keep upping the lancet depth from 2, to 3, to 4 and now, finally, to 5. My callused, though once-delicate fingers would not be as tough as a man's now. I wouldn't get ugly calluses on my fingertips, or tiny shallow depressions from where the lancet has pricked (the red marks have finally gone away) that just plain don't look good.
It's a good thing I'm not a fingertip model.

3. In a perfect world, I would NEVER, EVER not notice my insulin pen is nearly empty and either a.) run out of Novolog right in the middle of dinner (at a friend's house, out to eat --- never at home, it seems) or b.) run out of Lantus right as I'm about to go to bed, and am spending the night somewhere that is not my typical abode. This typically ruins my entire day, evening or outing and forces me to have to go back and get my insulin, or eat nothing. This has happened on Christmas... at a dinner out with friends... out with the family... nothing is sacred to Diabetes.

4. In a perfect world, I would never have to forgo eating lunch in the car when on the way to work. When I'm in full costume, driving and have no access to arms, legs or my stomach (such as a long-sleeved, full length gown), there's really just no way to give an insulin shot. Sometimes, I am able to stab myself with an insulin pen through my clothing, while driving (can you say impressive?), but most times I simply have to forgo eating. Which... is lame.
While we are on the topic of parties, I would never get random lows in the middle of parties. Doing a fashion show, painting 30 children and trying to act cheerful while doing so are all extremely difficult things to do, and they suddenly become about 5x more difficult when you're feeling low.

In a perfect world...... oh, forget it.