It's funny how in the course of 2.5 years you can go from never having heard about such a day, to living it every year, marking the day with blue clothes and perhaps a blue circle on your hand. Do I expect this day to have the same kind of significance to others as it does to me? No, of course not. But still, I'll wear my blue and share the significance of the day with others, if only because it makes me feel as though I'm not going through this journey alone.
Every chance to educate another person and spread awareness is important, after all - important to a cure, to more research, and important to simply letting people know that Diabetes isn't simply a disease your grandpa got from eating too much sugar. Type 1 Diabetes is so much more - it permeates your life, coloring everything from the food you eat to the thoughts you think in your head until you live, eat, sleep, breath Diabetes all of your living days. Yes, I talk about it too much. But if you're constantly barraged, day by day, with thoughts such as:
My heart is racing. Am I low?
Did I forget to put new syringes in my meter case?
How many carbs does this fast food meal have?
Should I really eat this?
Did I change my lancet? Note: just kidding about that one. Diabetics rarely change their lancets. I don't feel bad - we all do it.
My mouth is dry. Is my blood sugar high?
How much insulin do I need to bolus for the pizza now, and how much should I bolus for later to account for the fat? Should I have two slices? Maybe just one? Will that affect my sugar more?
Can my levels afford to eat a slice of cake tonight?
What is my endo going to say about that 450 mg/dL last night?
Did I remember to grab an extra insulin pen before leaving the house?
Did I pack my lancets, syringes, extra pens in a cooler, extra meter, glucagon, ketostix and test strips for my trip?
I'm low during an exam and I can no longer concentrate.
I'm at work and I'm low and I need to find a time to treat.
I had to run out of the house this morning with breakfast and have to find time to give an injection before class, which I'm late for, so I'll have to do it in the car.
How many carbohydrates does that pineapple casserole have?
All of my friends are eating it, and I don't want to seem weird for not eating it, either.
How do I politely turn down the huge bowl of pasta the host just gave me?
What is the etiquette for giving an insulin shot at a fancy dinner?
That huge bruise on my arm is from insulin, I swear.
I need to give an injection but my stomach is all bruised, I'm in jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Where am I supposed to inject?
My sugar is high and I'm to blame. I feel like a failure.
How is the new health care law going to affect my ability to get medicine?
Will I have to have a high paying job for the rest of my life just to afford health care and medicine?
Does my employer care that I have Diabetes?
Will people treat me differently if I tell them?
Will the waiter look at me funny if I request the menu's nutrition info?
Please, for the love of God, if I have to head "I could never be Diabetic!" or, "I know exactly what Diabetes is like, I have low blood sugar sometimes!", I just might overdose on insulin because I'm sick of hearing it.
How did this test strip get there???
This is just some of what Type 1 Diabetics live with every.day. So yes - I mention it a lot. Because every hour, at minimum, thoughts such as these enter my head.
For Type 1's, Diabetes is our life, which creates an interesting paradox. We live our life trying to be as normal as possible, not letting Diabetes define us, and yet almost all of the actions we do seek to help us continue to be healthy and live in spite of this disease. Our actions are often defined by what we do to continue to live with Diabetes, and thus our actions require constant thoughts like the ones above. It's a heavy burden to bear - the price of Diabetes includes many things. It costs us freedom. It costs us time. It costs us health. And it costs us our very minds, which are sometimes consumed by this disease and all that it entails. And it's difficult.
So... days like this are special. They are a big deal. Maybe not to everyone, but to us individuals that know, and our loved ones, and perhaps the ones we can spread awareness to. Because they remind us Type 1 Diabetics of something important - that although this disease has such a high cost, that we can over come it. We are not alone, we are more than this disease, and although I may spend 18 hours of the day thinking about Diabetes, not counting all of the midnight lows, I am still my own person with and in spite of Diabetes. I work hard to treat myself so that I can still enjoy the quality of life that I desire. Paradox or no, this is the life I strive for - a life of living with Diabetes but also living in spite of it.
So here's to my 3rd year of celebrating National Type 1 Diabetes Awareness Day and Diabetes Awareness month. And here's to wishing all of the Type 1's out there many more years of observing this day to mark another year lived in spite of Type 1; and, perhaps, more importantly: many more healthy, perfectly normal days in between.
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