Dreams on My Doorstep.

Oh my gosh! What an incredible, fast three years it's been.

Finals just concluded last Wednesday, and my graduation last Saturday was one of the most memorable occasions of my life. 

I am elated, sad, and nostalgic at the same time.

When I came to Wesleyan, I was many things:

Just diagnosed with Diabetes, shy and unsure of myself, innocently excited for all that was to come.

I had graduated from High School and community college, and felt that I could take on the world and handle anything.

And I believe that - I believe I have a good capability to handle all of the challenges that come my way. But looking back, I never expected to be faced with the kind of challenges, hardships, heartbreak, joys and accomplishments that I did at Wesleyan. I'm struggling to find the best way to capture it with words now, which is saying a lot for writing-inclined me... ;)

Let me just start here:
These three years have shaped me in so many ways. I have grown up - I've learned that accomplishments aren't always measured in letter grades. They are measured in sweat, tears, and bloodshot eyes. 4 hours of sleep and passing your test with an "A" or "B" in spite of working 3 or 4 jobs to pay your expenses. In dragging yourself to class no matter what kind of other extraneous things in life are going on... in pushing through projects and essays and work study with all of the other distractions.
In learning that some things are worth skipping class for.(Yes mom, these reasons exist).

Growing is learning to embrace new ideas and listen. To consider other viewpoints and critically think about them and how they fit into your preconceived notions and opinions. What is the truth? What is correct?

 In doing a lot of things you never thought you would.

I started a business. I took Evolution. I learned how to talk on the phones REALLY well in admissions... :) I made enemies.  I stayed friends with some of my best friends. I lost some friends. I was in a car accident. I went clubbing. I did presentations in front of class with no practice before hand. I surprisingly NEVER pulled an all-nighter.

College for me was struggling with my Diabetes and growing with it and in spite of it. Really, I was kind of thrown to the wolves with this disease, being diagnosed in April and moving to Georgia in June. A haphazard whirlwind of teen with tangled fair hair, armed with a One Touch Glucometer and three boxes of Novolog, visiting CVS nearly every day up to my departure to check if my prescriptions came in. The lows that came as a surprise in school that first week of move in... running to the dining hall in the middle of class because I forgot a snack and couldn't get my morning sugars to stop crashing before noon.

I learned I hate grape glucose tabs. Most glucose tabs, actually, I've bought them a grand total of once.

The frustrating, guilty highs... so many salads in the dining hall... learning it's ok to not subsist off of just salad.

Senior year was one of the biggest struggles of my life. At one point, I was working four jobs, and life had a lot of financial and emotional challenges. I went through two cars in less than 4 months and I'm now on number 3. My blood sugars fluctuated from the stress. I was waitlisted for both graduate schools and didn't think I'd get in. I interviewed for one job and got an interview for another. Someone told me to make plans but don't fall too in love with them.
... And I actually had to teach myself how to do that.

God taught me a lot. God gave me almost more than I could handle...
one day when I was feeling down, I remember stumbling across the bible verse,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6)

God, that verse saved me. I stumbled across it on someone's Facebook status. I closed my eyes and repeated it in my head and felt the calm rush over me as I tried to soothe my overwhelming worries at the time of where my life was headed.

And it all came together, this beautiful mess of three years, as I stood with my class in Baccalaureate last Friday at Mulberry United Methodist Church, my family and friends around me. I didn't think I could ever feel more pride in my school. "Don't be afraid to fear", the speaker said. "Fear is not the absence of courage, but rather it lets you know that what you are doing matters."

And on graduation day, as my friends and family again gathered in the auditorium, the names of my classmates and myself called to stage, it dawns on me that I am going to forget a lot of the knowledge that I learned in college. And that's alright, because no one really cares if I remember what ZP3, ZP2 and the fetal hemoglobin affinity O2 curve is, or what the equation for torque on a spinning rod is. The point is that I earned my degree by pushing through, labouring hours on end, studying in all of my free time, sacrificing, learning to enunciate in speeches and presentations, do them without fear and translate my thoughts to writing and essays and lab reports. To be a well spoken and well rounded woman. What college did was give me knowledge, yes, but what it really did was refine me into a better version of myself, and for that I am truly thankful.
I am ready for the next step thanks to Wesleyan.

And I learned that it's these kind of things that make me, personally, proud to be a Wesleyanne. College - and Wesleyan - is something different to everyone. That's what makes it special, that's what makes it memorable.

"People are going to tell you, "the end is just the beginning!" Don't be sad! Be happy! Blah blah blah." Mary McDonough, our graduation speaker, said at graduation. "But be sad. Mourn. Reminisce. And celebrate the end, because with it brings transformation."

"Be a provocative woman in the original sense", another speak said. "Well rounded - dabbling in a little bit of everything."

All fine words of wisdom, and all reasons as to why I am so proud to be a Wesleyan Alumna at last.

To say I'm not terrified about the next few years would be a lie, because I am so scared and unprepared. But I feel ready for the challenge, and know that I will face these new challenges and I will learn to adapt and push harder than ever before to accomplish my dreams. The hardest is yet to come now, but my dreams have never been closer.

My dreams are on my doorstep, and I am ready to open the door and greet them at last.

Never has this been more applicable than it feels now:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

To the future!