Watching Infinity Grow Smaller.

This past week was the first week that I realized that somewhere along the way, I have become more excited than scared about my impending move to Atlanta.

It's gotten harder and easier at the same time. I visited the leasing office at my apartment the other week and officially signed my letter to state that I am moving out. So, there's that.

And with that, my days in Macon officially became numbered. I swallowed a little, years of memories rushing back to me. 3, 4, 5, as far back as 6 years now - 6 years of my life have been intertwined with this city that I once never even realized existed on the map. 

Younger I could have never guessed that this big-little city would one day beckon me. Now it's a numbers game - see all the people I can, visit my favourite coffee shops as much as possible, go to all the places I love or have never yet been. I am running out of time, and as once, a long time ago, 3 years seemed to stretch out like infinity to me, I watched those 3 years shrink to 2, to 1, to 6 months, and soon, only 1 month: 1 month to serve as the only little bit of infinity that I have left.

And truly, it has been a small sort of infinity to me.

Just as my hometown of Orlando shaped and grounded me, Macon helped me to grow and refine myself in a way that will be foreverlasting.

As I strolled  through the city streets of Atlanta for the first time last week with confidence... I suddenly found the roads downtown didn't seem quite so intimidating. The city crowds were exciting, the places intriguing. And I realized that Atlanta held so many adventures and secrets to be discovered for me. Atlanta will have its own things to teach me to. Just as people come into our lives and shape us, so too do the places we live and the cities we visit. And I started to notice then, that a tinge of excitement replaced the long-living dread, questioning and fear.
In what ways would this city change me? Who would I meet? Who will I become?

Macon had its own things to offer and it was the right place for me at the right time. Macon was the well-needed small town for me to grow comfortable in my own skin and feel as though I had a place of my own. Macon was my own little world: safe, familiar, intriguing in its own little way. I loved and love this place. I love the old, crumbling buildings of downtown and I love the market on Mulberry Street every Wednesday. I love the coffee shop I frequent on Poplar Street, I love the sun as it sets as I watch it on a hill and see the sky turn pink and orange, a glistening backdrop against an aged and tired city full of history. I love the library and its quiet echoes, the shelves and shelves of books. I love the old bookstore downtown that reeks of cat every time I walk in.
I am excited, and I am in true mourning - it isn't goodbye forever, but it feels like it.

Because in a way... it is. I am leaving Macon, and with it, I will leave a part of myself - and the person that I was when I was here will cease to be. I will be but a moment in time, a shadow, and I will change in the ways that Atlanta changes me. I will never be the same when I leave, and I feel that a whole new world is going to open up to me, and Macon will never feel the same again.
Will this city lose its magic in the glistening bustle of Atlanta?

I have to accept that it might.

Atlanta will be a challenge for me. I have become comfortable with myself, but now it is time to test those limits and see exactly how far they go. Now is the time to dive in headfirst, and I feel ready. Accepting it won't be easy, I can do little but quell my fears and move forward.
Everything up until now has lead me to this road.