What I Learned This Week... That Doesn't Have to Do with Physical Therapy

I have learned a ton of stuff about Physical Therapy this week. I experienced what started to feel like the beginnings of the "it's all coming together *currently" mindset. I'm remembering how bones and muscles work. I can identify the nerves of the brachial plexus on our cadaver and contribute to the conversation confidently in class. We are doing a two-day Diabetes lecture series in Pharmacology as well as Endocrine System, which is kind of my "thing". I'm understanding how to move muscles to make them contract. To be more confident about palpating the body. I passed my first PT skills competency with a 95% in Goniometry, Manual Muscle Testing, Palpation and Special Tests of the shoulder.

Enter personal life. I cried this week. I had to take a "get out of town" mental health day Wednesday to try and get my mind back in the right place. Tuesday I drove home after my competency, turned on some music super loud, and sang with a cracking voice while tears dribbled down my face. Wednesday, as big as Atlanta was, I couldn't stomach being anywhere within the city that day. So, impractically I drove an hour and 15 minutes north up GA 400 to Dahlonega, a little town in the mountains with my favourite Mexican Restaurant and a bunch of cute stores. I walked around, more hobbled because my foot was blistered from swing dancing barefoot Monday (which I loved, by the way). I literally just sat in Starbucks and studied for my two exams the next day. But I had a chance to breath fresh mountain air, get a glimpse of the green mountains I love so much, see open blue sky and get out of bustling, hectic Atlanta for a little while.

It cleared my head. I'm so glad I did it.
I read the Bible a lot this week. I feel as though after a long time, I am back on track to forming a better, stronger relationship with God again.

Today, I found out I got an 85 and a 91 on two of my exams I took yesterday - which after a string of low C's, even D's and low B's in PT school so far, was a victory that really built me up. And I passed my anatomy quiz this morning.  (FYI: I totally crammed for some of those tests like my mother suggested, too, and studied the night before for anatomy). But I've been working my Anconeus off.

And it feels good, too. The weeks prior, I was very frustrated that despite my efforts, I could not seem to get good results. However, I told myself to work harder, not that I wasn't smart enough, and did my best to ingrain this in my brain. This week I spent hours upon hours practicing for my competency and hours studying for exams and working hard, and I have been blessed to see results.

Basically, this week I coped with a lot of victory, growth, loss, and sadness, and defeat. With so much to overcome, and so much I've already done, I feel a little more reinforced that if I work hard, I will be able to succeed as a PT. I feel that this is something truly in my grasp, not just something almost quite there that I'm struggling to keep up with. It's still hard, but when I remember how much this matters, to me and the people I will someday help, I remember that I can do this. God gave me that glimmer of positivity this week, and I'm rolling with it. I feel good. I feel prepared. I feel empowered.

But still, I am somber and hurting at the same time. Today I also found out that I am officially losing my health insurance October 31st. And I'm trying not to worry, but I'm scared. I'm really scared. I'm worried. I'm unsure. I'm upset.

So, what have I learned this week? Besides about the cubital fossa? Or how to do a Hawkin's-Kennedy special test?

A couple of things. I was reinforced that good friends and relationships are the key to keeping your hopes up from day to day. We humans are meant to be social, and to form relationships. They give us strength.

I remembered to pray, and pray all the time, and pray for so long that I forget what I am praying for. Thank God for everything. Praise him daily. Give him your worries, your joys. Constantly.

I learned that for every victory, there are defeats. I have certainly felt the wax and wane of victory and defeat this week, a tenuous balance that seems to have been exemplified ever so strikingly over the last few days. Personal triumphs and failures, failed quizzes and aced exams. Good and bad. Give and take.

I feel that I am becoming a stronger individual, and that finally God is giving me the confidence and preparedness to embrace and become the person he wants me to be. The person he planned me to be before I was ever even a thought - the person I will become for the experiences I will go on to have, the people I will go on to meet, the lives I will impact and lives that will impact me.

So, things in life are changing, are getting better, are ending, are beginning, are tumultuous. But then, I suppose they always are. How relative life is. It seems just to shift from week to week. All I can do is remember to remain calm, try not to worry, take time for myself , work hard and keep pushing forward in spite of the challenges.

After all, we live amidst a world of chaos. What is order but a different perception on chaos? Praying for strength, courage and perseverance for all that is currently happening and all that is to come.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." - Jeremiah 33:3