I Can't Do This On My Own (And I Don't Have To).

Work, school, Medication, Bills, Type 1 Diabetes.

I have a lot of stuff to do... 

and generally, if I am to give myself credit, I'd say that I'm pretty good at being an independent, self-sufficient, semi-competent adult. 

I'm 21 now - I enjoy a drink after a long day. Sometimes, I can't get my blood glucose quite right. Or I turn up the music real loud in my car and sing as tears fall down my face because I'm so overwhelmed by the sheer much-ness of it all. I make a lot of mistakes. My search for "find the most efficient way possible" leads me to cut corners or be sloppy sometimes. Most of the time I feel like a mess - but I can get things done, and I guess that's what matters.

My life isn't the hardest or the worst life you will ever hear about. But, I have a lot to handle, and have handled a lot from a young age. 

And I feel proud. I have accomplished a lot for my age. I feel I could have done more, but I look back at my accomplishments - graduating highschool with my Associates Degree, managing a business in college with my mother's guidance, starting a decently sized mutual fund at 19, getting into PT school at 20. Overcoming all of the obstacles and challenges and emotional turmoils I have been through. I've done it, I've triumphed, and I've pressed on. I see what I want from life and I go after it, and I will always do this, so long as I have fight in me left to give.

But if I was really to step back and tell you what the crux of it all was, my triumphs and successes and the things I have overcome really wouldn't be anything that has to do with me.

Because I didn't do all of this. I couldn't have done any of it on my own. From a young age, my mother guided me and taught me to work hard to achieve my goals. She pushed me past my limits, challenging me to succeed when I was simply resigned to settle for failure. She never let me do that. My mother showed me drive, passion and excellence in everything that I do. My mother has a will of steel, and she taught me to live the same. She doesn't settle - she sets out and she succeeds or she fails trying. And even then, if it doesn't work out, she's already planning out the next steps of what needs to be done. My mother didn't baby me. My family hasn't always been able to help me the most financially, but what she did do was teach me something harder but infinitely more important, and that is how to be self-sufficient. She taught me a skill (entertaining at parties) and with it I have done better than I ever would have done had she simply paid the way for me. I learned how to make something from very little - and with that skill, I know that I will always be okay. We have our ups and downs, but my mother is the most amazing woman I know.

I couldn't have made it into PT School without help. Naive, arrogant me applied to only two schools last year - and in light of other candidates applying to the extremely competitive programs, I was good, but I wasn't the best. When I messed up my application to Mercer and had not even an interview to show for 3 years of striving to get into this program, I resigned myself to the fact that I just wasn't going to grad school this year. My chances of getting into UCF were slim. I walked into work at Wesleyan one day and my boss Mary Anne sent me to her supervisor Steve, the VP of Admissions at Wesleyan. I knew Steve fairly well - I'd worked in the same office for 3 years now. Steve wrote a letter tot he VP at Mercer, who wrote a letter to the supervisor of the PT program at Mercer. Magically, when I had been told there was no hope of obtaining an interview - it was too late after I had failed to properly submit my application - I received a letter inviting me to the last interview a week from then. 

I made a huge mistake and maybe I didn't even deserve to get into PT school - but with the help of others, it happened, and here I am almost a year later.

I can think of so many other times when I couldn't have made it through - or wouldn't have wanted to - without others pulling me through. When I got Diabetes, my friends and family rallied around me and supported me. They visited me in the hospital, wrote on my Facebook wall, gave me positive feedback on my blog. The proverbial question I asked in the hospital then went from "Sure I'm alive, but with a disease like Diabetes is this life even worth living?" to, "Why would I ever let Diabetes stop me from living my one life to the best and fullest?". When I got in my car accident last year, my family helped me get back on my feet (albeit it was a rocky experience). My friends gave me rides, encouraged me and sent me uplifting messages. My friends and family and complete strangers reinforce, build me up and uplift me at so many twists and turns, and without them life would be truly black and white. The people that I love and the people that love me make life so worth it. I am so grateful for all of the kindnesses I have ever received, because without those big and little things, truly, I'd be nothing.

And truly, I am thankful to God, because most importantly - thanks to him I will never have to do this thing called life on my own. If I were to examine my actions, my mistakes and flaws and be solely reliant on myself then to get me through the day to day of life - I'd just as soon give up. I am inadequate, incompetent, not strong enough, not capable enough on my own to do this. But with the backing of others - and with the fact that God is my father and he promises us strength and hope in him - I know that God will never put more on my plate than I can handle. God created me with all the skills and the capacity to obtain skills through my life experiences, that I will never have to worry! Yes, even though he tells us not to be anxious, I will have my days and my moments where I am still overwhelmed, anxious, worried.

But the important thing is that I always know there is a light at the tunnel. And even in my darkest moments - in my despair, in my worry, in my overwhelmed times - the people I love and that love me are there, and God is there -

That makes all the difference, because never will I have to walk this journey called life alone.

And that's the important thing for me to remember, because although I will say that one my my best characteristics is drive and resiliency,
I remember that I fight not only for myself,
But for you guys, too. You make my life worth the fight. Strangers, and loved ones alike - living life with fellow human beings, who all struggle like myself - is both a comfort and a source of empowerment in and of itself. Thankful I am.

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, all -

- Lacy.