When I look at my engagement ring, there's a pretty part of the sapphire in the center that has an almost iridescence to it. It's a facet about it that looks lovely in the light, and you can only catch it sometimes.
I think that this is a stark comparison to myself, because when I look close up at my facets, I don't always think they are lovely. I spent the other morning rushing to get to school; I spilled protein shake powder all over me and the floor when the entire container's lid fell off while reaching for it in the cabinet. I accidentally caught the bird cage door (without the bird in it, he was in the other cage) with my purse and made it fall over. I broke my lamp this morning. I accidentally confused the date on a party for one of my repeat customer's this weekend, causing me to have to give the event to someone else. I got lost on the way to my gig the other night, which doesn't usually happen. I was short with people because I felt sick this morning.
I am clumsy. And what else - I'm super imperfect. I'm busy, and I know I shouldn't use that as an excuse to dictate my behaviour. But I'm bad at answering texts and communicating. I'm short with people when I don't mean to be. I brush over edges I should take more time on. Sometimes, I'm not in a good mood around Kris. Sometimes, I say mean things. I'm on my phone too much. I haven't been to church as much as I should have.
The other morning I was having one of "those" mornings and I started to turn on some music. I didn't really love how it made me feel, though. Music is one of those things that really augments (or can change) your mood. John Mark McMillan is probably my favourite Christian artists now thanks to Kris. Selfishly, that's a little because Kris is so good at singing his songs on the guitar. But also, he's just really awesome at what he does. I swore off a lot of Christian music for a while even though I grew up with it, because I'd had an apologetics teacher tell us about how not all Christian music is created equal and some of it is sacrilegious. John Mark McMillan is one of the first Christian artists I've loved in a long time. So I turned his music on instead, and instantly felt my mood change. It's amazing how the things we listen to and the things we surround ourselves with make such a big difference on us.
As I enter finals week next week, take a competency this weekend, and try and balance planning a wedding in a month and starting clinic - as well as my usual chores around the house, keeping the place clean, and not having my business crash around me - all while managing my chronic illness - I am reminded to create peace for myself, and try my hardest not to become overwhelmed. I'm trying to make time to do Insanity at least 3-4 times a week (and it's working, my pants are loose!) and really eat healthy (no sweets), lots of water. I'm trying to listen to calming music and keep the apartment clean and take time for me, even in the midst of grad school which demands a lot of time. That hectic morning was a good reminder that stress, or helping to make yourself less stressed, has a lot to do with how we choose to act towards the events we can't control.
I can't control the coming stressful weeks entirely, but I can do my part to have as much control over keeping the situations that come at me as in check as possible.
I can do it.
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