Today is the third year anniversary of my diagnosis with Diabetes.
For three years, I have ceremoniously acknowledged this date, marveling at the passage of time and the new struggles that each day living with an autoimmune disease bring.
Certain things stick (no pun intended, well, maybe) out in my memory more than others -
Two nurses injecting needles on both sides of my arm.
Crying in the hospital shower, feeling utterly more alone than I ever had.
My friend handing me a new journal to write my story in, prompting the inspiration of this blog.
The first time at home that my sugar was 103; a normal level.
The time I went to Zaxby's and had a birthday cake milkshake, and came out successfully at 180 mg/dL.
The man I met in the comic book shop with the insulin pump.
But I remember it all.
Diabetes has enveloped me into a bubble - there is the world, and then there is me, and Diabetics like me. Everything I see is through the iridescent filter of the bubble - before food comes carb counting, before a trip comes the supplies checklist, before I leave the house - do I have a snack?
Because Diabetes isn't just Diabetes. It's Diabetes + everything single other thing going on in your life at the same time. No breaks, no time out.
Diabetes has enveloped me into a bubble - there is the world, and then there is me, and Diabetics like me. Everything I see is through the iridescent filter of the bubble - before food comes carb counting, before a trip comes the supplies checklist, before I leave the house - do I have a snack?
Because Diabetes isn't just Diabetes. It's Diabetes + everything single other thing going on in your life at the same time. No breaks, no time out.
Every year, it gets harder and easier. I know what to expect, but I also face constant new surprises. Day in, day out I treat this disease, but wonder if I will ever find the day come that I face the ramifications of all the high blood sugars...
Every year, I'm a little more worn down, a little more empowered to keep trudging forward, all the more ready for a cure.
Someone recently described to me that the obstacles in your life prepare you to handle and obtain the skills that you will need further on in life. That you earn skills through your struggles - you learn to overcome, and thus you become stronger.
This is some of the best advice that I've gotten in a while. I am a positive person, but often I feel worn down, discouraged from the many struggles I have faced through the years, that are very big indeed to me. But when I try and think about how these experiences have shaped me, and have given me skills through the growth I experience through overcoming them - it gives me a sense of empowerment, and is very uplifting to my soul. And it's exactly this kind of focus that I need to keep facing Diabetes and fighting with my best foot forward -
To constantly take my skills and improve. And what skills have I earned from the years?
To value life.
To learn to truly sense and be aware of my body and what it is trying to tell me.
To face the challenges necessary of me because it is what I must do to live.
To take my determination for a normal life in spite of Diabetes and use it to push forward.
To gain a better appreciation for a healthy lifestyle.
To never leave the house without a snack... or two... or three.
Always double check how much insulin is left in my pen.
Remember to say "yes" to the birthday cake every once in a while.
To see the positives, no matter what, even if it takes a little bit of sorting through the negatives to get there.
That Diabetes doesn't have to make you weaker, if you use it as a tool to strengthen and enrich your character.
Share my struggles with others. It's my burden, but talking helps.
To multitask.
To handle discouragement, disappointment, stress and guilt every day... take it in stride, and start anew tomorrow.
To never lose hope.
This is my life. Like it or not, this is what I've been dealt.
My struggles, my challenges, my joys, my disease make me who I am, and while I'm not perfect, I'm proud of this fact.
And I'm blessed. I'm so blessed, because I'm surrounded by people who care and who love me, regardless of whether or not they know everything there is to know about Diabetes. Sometimes, all it takes is a question, a knowing smile, or a listening ear to ease some of the weight off of your shoulders.
So here's to more years - not more years of Diabetes, well, that's a given - but more years of living, of truly living, which means to live and learn and fill your heart with joy and new experiences no matter what the hardships and external things are that you face.
To living - to milkshakes - to fridges full of insulin - to blood sugars under 180 mg/dL - I'll toast a Coke Zero (or water, sorry mom) to that any day.
To never leave the house without a snack... or two... or three.
Always double check how much insulin is left in my pen.
Remember to say "yes" to the birthday cake every once in a while.
To see the positives, no matter what, even if it takes a little bit of sorting through the negatives to get there.
That Diabetes doesn't have to make you weaker, if you use it as a tool to strengthen and enrich your character.
Share my struggles with others. It's my burden, but talking helps.
To multitask.
To handle discouragement, disappointment, stress and guilt every day... take it in stride, and start anew tomorrow.
To never lose hope.
This is my life. Like it or not, this is what I've been dealt.
My struggles, my challenges, my joys, my disease make me who I am, and while I'm not perfect, I'm proud of this fact.
And I'm blessed. I'm so blessed, because I'm surrounded by people who care and who love me, regardless of whether or not they know everything there is to know about Diabetes. Sometimes, all it takes is a question, a knowing smile, or a listening ear to ease some of the weight off of your shoulders.
So here's to more years - not more years of Diabetes, well, that's a given - but more years of living, of truly living, which means to live and learn and fill your heart with joy and new experiences no matter what the hardships and external things are that you face.
To living - to milkshakes - to fridges full of insulin - to blood sugars under 180 mg/dL - I'll toast a Coke Zero (or water, sorry mom) to that any day.
No comments:
Post a Comment