Today is a Good Day.

Last night I received some of the biggest news of my life. I know it was big news to ALL of my classmates - the culmination of years of hard work, achieving good grades, beating out hundreds of others for a spot in a very competitive program - and actually making it through the program. Passing my boards means I'm now licensed to practice physical therapy, and I can start my job once the state issues my license.

While this is a big deal to everyone, the post is about why it's such a big deal to me. Because, I feel like I could literally sing God praises through the rafters for finding out I passed. Words can't describe the work it took to get to that moment. The mental and physical strain it put on me. And words can't describe the depth of how God provided for me every step of the way... even when I doubted things.

My mind still goes back to the hospital room. Finding out I got Diabetes. Asking myself if I'd be able to have a "normal" life and even do physical therapy. It may seem easy to say "sure, why couldn't you" - but my life had been flipped upside down. Everything I knew was different now. Things were harder. And getting insulin was a very real issue on top of the strain of actually managing my disease.

I started crying last night because I have fought this fight for so long. I have struggled for so long. I've counted expired boxes of insulin in my fridge and turned to the black market and begged for medication to keep me alive for so long. I've gone without for so long. I've cried because of it. I've prayed to God I'd have enough. I started this journey knowing I'd have to have faith to get through, and it hasn't been easy. My faith has been tested for years. And I'm tired. I'm tired of that fight. It's made me stronger, but for so long I've used those expired pens and recalculated my insulin doses alone because doctors aren't affordable to people without (or without good) healthcare. This isn't to garner pity, it's to say that I've run myself ragged with fighting, I feel like I've fought the good fight, and for the first time in my life - I'm breathing a sigh of relief, because my God, I'm here. I've made it. 

Passing my boards means for the first time in a long time, I can see a doctor consistently. Passing my boards means I can have not expired insulin. I can go to the pharmacy and pay a reasonable copay and I can have insulin every month. I can get a pump... a CGM... I can have resources. I don't have to beg for medicine. I don't have to rely on samples. I will be provided for. I will have stability.
Stability... that's something I haven't had in a long time. Just the knowledge that I'll have the resources to take care of myself month after month is enough to make me dance in joy. I have never had to go without, thankfully, but it takes a toll on you - worrying, month after month who you can ask for more insulin or whether there will be any in a few months.

God did provide for me every step of the way. He gave me an incredible doctor who prescribed me as much as she could every month while I had medicaid. "You'll need it someday," she had told me, and she was right. This doctor saved my life - it was because of her that I had enough insulin to last me through the years. They were pediatric endocrinologists, but they let me see them until I was 21. They always prescribed me more than I needed. I never went without, because of them. People have given me insulin when diabetic relatives passed away. It touched my heart that through their pain, they still thought to reach out to me and give me medicine. Someone gave me almost 6 months worth of insulin once... another person gave me almost a year worth of test strips. Support groups online for people like me made sure I didn't go without. Every time I doubted I'd have enough, someone was there, with samples or medicine here and there. This is the world of bad healthcare: people have to do these things. I had to do these things. I'm not happy about it, but I was always provided for. And when I had to pay for medicine - God helped the business I started to flourish, and he gave me enough business to save for what I needed. Things may have gotten hairy sometimes, but I have always had enough. Always.
In short, God is good. I'm blown away by his provision over the last few years. It's been a hard road, and an uncertain one. It tested me more than I ever thought possible. It's made me a fighter, perhaps a little too much so. But through that I came out and I survived, and I know I can survive anything in my future after all I've been through the last few years.

Today is very much a day to celebrate, to breathe a sigh of relief, and to let myself relax after years of obstacles and hurdles that tried to stop me from getting here.
I by no means think that life will be a cakewalk from here - I know that my first year of treating patients will be a huge learning curve that will test and challenge me. But this is a challenge I will happily step up to.

Today, I passed. Today, I have a job. And I hope that I can live my whole life in thanks of all of the blessings God has given me up to this point. I hope that I can live my life helping others, like others helped me. Today is a good day.