It's been one week since I got out of the hospital.
I've come a long way.
My first day getting out was a trainwreck. After seeing the endocrinologist (for all terms and purposes known as the Diabetes Doctor), getting my finger pricked for the 500th time, establishing a meal plan, and learning the ins and outs of masochism-via-insulin-shots for dummies, mom, Dad and I celebrated and went to our favorite sushi restaurant in town, Fuji Sushi. It's always a bit strange, all of us being together. But it's nice to have the rare occasion of being out with both of my parents and I enjoy the novelty of it.
We sit down, I with my massive bag full of prescription glucose meters, strips, and insulin pens. I grab the nutrition book and flip to the "sushi" section. Dad and I used to come here all the time before I got sick.
The waitress comes over. "Aren't you that girl who used to come in here with her dad?" She asks me. "Yeah..." I said.
"You look different," she remarks.
No duh. I've been in the ICU for the past week, not exactly looking my best.
"I know. I've been in the hospital.." I reply. "She got diabetes." Dad said.
I was an emotional basket case. I promptly burst into inconsolable tears.
The waitress seemed panicked, like she didn't know what to do. "I'm sorry -- I'm sorry!" She cried. "Can I get you a drink?" "I'll-- I'll take-- the Diet Coke." I stumbled out. She took everyone else's orders and shuffled away.
I must have sat there 5 minutes debating whether or not I was going to prick my finger. I finally pricked it, tested my blood sugar, which was on the high side at over 300. I took an insulin pen. I screwed on a needle and held it to my skin, but every time I tried to plunge the needle in, I just froze. My utter and complete terror of needles along with my overly-emotional mental block was making it impossible for me to give myself that shot, which I had spent 15 minutes in the hospital last night gathering the courage to do myself. Which wasn't helping me now, because the more I thought about that, the worse I felt about not being able to do it now, and the more tears poured down my face, blurring my vision and throwing me into further hysterics.
I finally just gave up and had mom give me my two insulin shots.
I spent the rest of the time sniffling and eating my sushi.
It was not a good night.
Last night we went to have dinner with my grandparents, who are in town for the weekend. We went to Bahama Breeze and picked a nice table outside, where the band was playing and the breeze was blowing. People chatted, laughed and ate at tables and waiters darted about. I had my insulin pens, book and blood glucose testing supplies subtly tucked away into my white purse and I looked much more put-together than a week ago. I opened my nutrition book but found out that Bahama Breeze was not in it. I was a little panicked. How many carbs did everything have? The waiter came over. "Unsweet tea," I ordered courageously. I miss sweet tea terribly. I pondered over the menu some more, debating over which had more carbs, the salad or the chicken (If that seems like a stupid thing to wonder, consider that I've seen salads at restaurants that have upwards of 100 carbs - they can be deceiving). I settled on a chicken dish that seemed like a good balance of protein, vegetables and carbs and ordered that. My first glass of iced tea I put two artificial sugars in. Icky. Too chemical-sweet. My second glass I ditched the sugar and just squeezed lemon in. Thanks Coop; what a great tip! It wasn't sweet tea, but, well... it didn't taste completely like un-sweet tea at least, either. It was pretty good, from a diabetic's point of view.
Our food came. I rushed to the bathroom to give myself insulin shots. When at a restaurant, if you are a diabetic, always wait before your meal is in front of you to give yourself an insulin shot if it is the fast-acting kind. I take two kinds of insulin; Lantus, the slow-acting insulin that will last for 24 hours, and Novolog, the fast-acting insulin that will cover me when I eat and that I take before every meal. Novolog starts working in 15 minutes and is finished working after 2 hours, so you want to take it as close to mealtime as possible.
I pick a stall and prepare to give myself insulin shots in the leg. The door doesn't shut all the way; oh well, I figure. A lady accidentally opens the door. "I'm sorry," she says. "Oh, it's fine, I say casually, needle in hand, shorts lifted up. "No big deal."
Goodness, I'd hate to know what she was thinking.
I give myself my shots and casually hurry back to the table. My meal looks like the healthiest thing on the table and I devour it quickly. Over the past week I've built up quite an appetite. I don't know how many carbs are in my meal but I hope my blood sugar will be okay. I wonder if maybe I should have given myself another unit; but my blood sugar had been only 65 before eating and I'd been feeling hypoglycemic. I had taken two glucose tablets (basically pills of sugar that diabetics always carry around in case of low blood sugar) because I get very shaky and weak when my blood sugar is low. I could always tell when my blood sugar was low, even before I became a diabetic. I thought that I simply had hypoglycemia, but now that I think about it, perhaps I should have taken the wacked-out blood sugar as an indication that something else was afoot, and should have gotten tested for blood sugar issues long ago. But no use dwelling in the past. Unfortunately, for some reason I am not yet good at telling when my blood sugar is high. I can't hardly tell at all, and I wonder if I will ever be able to tell - well, before I get sent back to the hospital because it's too high, that is. (Which will hopefully be never).
Overall, it was a good night. I was a bit emotional still about the whole diabetes thing, because I had to do a lot of explaining to my grandparents about giving myself shots before every meal ("Yes, I have to do that for forever") and why I had bruises all over me ("Insulin shots often leave bruises").
And, at 9:30 when I tested again, my blood sugar was 201! I know that is a little on the spikey side, but for eating out that isn't bad considering what my levels have been like lately. So I feel that I am making a bit of progress.
Now I am eating out again tonight - wish me luck?
