I am exhausted. Exhilarated. Empowered. Overwhelmed. Refreshed. Busy. Joyful.
The first few days of PT school have been a whirlwind. From day 1, we hit the ground running, and I feel as though I have been flooded with a wealth of information. My mind expands to envelop new knowledge every day, and it startles me both at how much there is to learn and what the mind is capable of doing.
It is enough to make me feel like it is too much to handle, but I know that I can achieve getting through graduate school. My typical day involves waking up at 6, getting ready, leaving for 7 at school, getting there early before class at 8. Changing between lab clothes and professional clothes, scrubs and tennis shoes, spending hours in class and tons of extra hours in anatomy lab is all part of daily life now. I assume the responsibility as best I can because I know that it is what I need to do to achieve.
I feel as though I am refining my life to live for others, and this is both a worthwhile task, a great honour and a huge responsibility.
I feel passionate for what I have chosen to do because I am surrounded by so many others who love their career. In the last few days I have learned so much more about Physical Therapy, the human experience, and what it truly means to better life through movement. I have learned about the goals I need to perfect and refine, I have learned how far I have to go and I have set myself to the task as best I can. In the last few days I have learned the power of preparation, calendar usage and I have tightened control of my Diabetes. My sugar has not been over 200 once in 2 days which is a big accomplishment for me, as in the past I would usually slip up at least once a day. I am very proud of this control and feel glad to be in a career that encourages my own wellness as much as it encourages the wellness of others. I feel like Physical Therapy is the perfect reflection of what I aspire to be both for others and for myself. I want to be a role model to my patients and to individuals in general that you can live a healthy, well life in spite of the many obstacles you will face. You have to assume the task with passion, diligence and patience. Sometimes you will fail, but you always have to try to succeed. If I can do this for myself, I know that I will be able to help inspire others to do so, too.
Just wanted to write something short and sweet for now - let you guys know that I'm alive (haha), I have very little free time and it's back to anatomy studying. But I'll write more this weekend.
Until then!
P.S. I added a poetry section on the "pages" tab! Do check it out. I'll update with more poems periodically.
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Physical Therapy School is Here!
Tomorrow is the first day of physical therapy school, and as much as I would like to proclaim to the world that I am ready and three steps ahead, the *honest* truth is that I am anxious, a little worried and very, very aware of what an exhilarating but weary journey this will be.
Orientation didn't get off to the best start, but I guess that is to be expected when you leave for home at 6... with 7 hours of driving to go. It's ok, think of me as you wish. I totally deserve it. The trip from Orlando to Atlanta was gruesome. I had to take a ton of breaks, stop at a gas station at 2 for a twenty minute nap, and ended up getting in at 3 instead of the 12:50 a.m. arrival time that I should have had. I stumbled home and up the stairs to pass out, setting my alarm for a bright and early 5:40 a.m. Naturally, this meant that I got about... 2 hours of sleep. The alarm went off entirely too soon, and having drilled into my brain that this class was more important than 8 a.m. Physics (which I always managed to oversleep for), I wearily pushed myself out of bed and into the shower, got dressed, got my bag, made a protein shake and was out the door. I wasn't sure what to expect with traffic, so I left about an hour and twenty minutes early. I hit traffic as soon as I got on the interstate, although even with the crazy stop and go, which somehow seemed to still be functional, I arrived at school in 24 minutes, so I had plenty of time.
I had chugged about 2 bottles of water before arriving in an attempt to wake up, and arrived at the Trustees Dining Room at Mercer bright eyed and bushy tailed to meet my fellow PT students and faculty. Likely the last free breakfast of my Graduate career: check. Ice breaker: check. Professor that researches Diabetes: check, and yay. Don't get me wrong, orientation was a really helpful experience, but it was extremely hard to sit for almost 9 straight hours until 5. We had another tour of the campus, had several of the staff and faculty come to brief us on different aspects of the school, talked amongst ourselves, had a couple of lectures, lunch and shared a lot of laughs. I ashamedly started nodding off a couple of times, simply out of pure exhaustion; when I got home, I went for a walk to the local farmer's market to try and get my mind going. I saw "Guardians of the Galaxy" with one of my friends at the Drive-In movie theatre here. I got home, tried to chill out, and did my best to tackle the huge mound of emails from clients that I had completely neglected during my time in Florida and the terrible endocrinologist appointment (more on that later). I folded laundry. There was so much computer work to do that I started falling asleep on the couch. It was 2 a.m. before I stumbled up to bed, and it was much too late for me chastise myself for not going to bed sooner. I was still adjusting from summer and had forgotten I had another early morning.
Thus, the next morning was even worse. I slept in a little later since I knew that it didn't take 1.5 hours to get to class, but 6:20 a.m. still came far too early for my taste. I stumbled out of bed. Sleep deprivation was taking its toll. My face was drained of colour, I looked like a ghost, and my mind felt as though it was operating at about 65%. I felt terrible. I stumbled to Day 2 of orientation, putting on my best face, drank about 3 bottles of water, met with my academic adviser Dr. Fabrizio, and by the time we breaked for lunch at 12, I made my way to the car to drive home since we had 2 hours and I had forgotten a pair of pants for one of the two birthday parties I was working later. I hit traffic, which I was not expecting for the middle of the afternoon, though now I hear Fridays are just bad traffic days. I had enough time to take a 20 minute nap, and for my non-nap inclined self, was startlingly happy about this. I had never passed out sooner in my life I think. I woke up to my alarm going off 20 minutes later, having collapsed face down on the couch. Drool and all, seriously, my level of exhaustion had reached critical levels. I made it on time to the white coat ceremony, while trying to fight dozing off again. I left the white coat ceremony, and by some freak of nature, as I mentioned earlier, had TWO parties to do that evening, back to back. I rushed to the first one, fighting traffic and wrong turns the whole way until I was finally there. I did that party, then rushed to the next one. The party lasted until about 10:30... I stumbled out at 11. My hair drooped. My head drooped. My eyes were sandbags that wouldn't stay open. I was so tired that as soon as I got on the highway I had to pull off at an exit and rest at a gas station. I locked my doors, but this time I was so tired I slept through my alarm and when I awoke, it was after 1:00 A.M. the lights were dark and it was scarily quiet. I sighed and couldn't believe myself. By some miracle I made it home. I stumbled into bed, all of my more tired that I had ever been.
Saturday I had two parties, but thankfully was able to sleep in until about 8; still tired, but the tiredness wasn't critical as it had been. I was able to relax the rest of the evening, go for a run, make lunch for the week and unwind. Today was even better; I had a relaxing morning and even fit in some studying amongst my ritual weekend chores (vacuuming, tea making, organizing my balloon aprons, paint brush cleaning and remembering that I should wash my sheets). I managed to get it all done, go to a birthday party as the Frozen Queen up in Jasper, get a pretty view of the mountains and stop there for a Walmart shopping trip, since I have yet to find the Walmart in ATL and don't know that if I find it that I'll necessarily like what I see (Atlanta is sketchy enough as it is!)
So this weekend has been good for me, and I learned a very important lesson on the power of sleep. If I keep myself centered and focused, I think I will be fine. I know PT school is going to be hard... but I know that everytime I think of the people I am passionate about helping, that I will remember how worth it this journey will be.
It's here, guys. My dream of being a Physical Therapist is here, and it begins with this single step, this single first day.
Here goes nothing, and here's to getting used to having males in my class again after 3 years at a women's college.
Go Bears! ;)
Orientation didn't get off to the best start, but I guess that is to be expected when you leave for home at 6... with 7 hours of driving to go. It's ok, think of me as you wish. I totally deserve it. The trip from Orlando to Atlanta was gruesome. I had to take a ton of breaks, stop at a gas station at 2 for a twenty minute nap, and ended up getting in at 3 instead of the 12:50 a.m. arrival time that I should have had. I stumbled home and up the stairs to pass out, setting my alarm for a bright and early 5:40 a.m. Naturally, this meant that I got about... 2 hours of sleep. The alarm went off entirely too soon, and having drilled into my brain that this class was more important than 8 a.m. Physics (which I always managed to oversleep for), I wearily pushed myself out of bed and into the shower, got dressed, got my bag, made a protein shake and was out the door. I wasn't sure what to expect with traffic, so I left about an hour and twenty minutes early. I hit traffic as soon as I got on the interstate, although even with the crazy stop and go, which somehow seemed to still be functional, I arrived at school in 24 minutes, so I had plenty of time.
I had chugged about 2 bottles of water before arriving in an attempt to wake up, and arrived at the Trustees Dining Room at Mercer bright eyed and bushy tailed to meet my fellow PT students and faculty. Likely the last free breakfast of my Graduate career: check. Ice breaker: check. Professor that researches Diabetes: check, and yay. Don't get me wrong, orientation was a really helpful experience, but it was extremely hard to sit for almost 9 straight hours until 5. We had another tour of the campus, had several of the staff and faculty come to brief us on different aspects of the school, talked amongst ourselves, had a couple of lectures, lunch and shared a lot of laughs. I ashamedly started nodding off a couple of times, simply out of pure exhaustion; when I got home, I went for a walk to the local farmer's market to try and get my mind going. I saw "Guardians of the Galaxy" with one of my friends at the Drive-In movie theatre here. I got home, tried to chill out, and did my best to tackle the huge mound of emails from clients that I had completely neglected during my time in Florida and the terrible endocrinologist appointment (more on that later). I folded laundry. There was so much computer work to do that I started falling asleep on the couch. It was 2 a.m. before I stumbled up to bed, and it was much too late for me chastise myself for not going to bed sooner. I was still adjusting from summer and had forgotten I had another early morning.
Thus, the next morning was even worse. I slept in a little later since I knew that it didn't take 1.5 hours to get to class, but 6:20 a.m. still came far too early for my taste. I stumbled out of bed. Sleep deprivation was taking its toll. My face was drained of colour, I looked like a ghost, and my mind felt as though it was operating at about 65%. I felt terrible. I stumbled to Day 2 of orientation, putting on my best face, drank about 3 bottles of water, met with my academic adviser Dr. Fabrizio, and by the time we breaked for lunch at 12, I made my way to the car to drive home since we had 2 hours and I had forgotten a pair of pants for one of the two birthday parties I was working later. I hit traffic, which I was not expecting for the middle of the afternoon, though now I hear Fridays are just bad traffic days. I had enough time to take a 20 minute nap, and for my non-nap inclined self, was startlingly happy about this. I had never passed out sooner in my life I think. I woke up to my alarm going off 20 minutes later, having collapsed face down on the couch. Drool and all, seriously, my level of exhaustion had reached critical levels. I made it on time to the white coat ceremony, while trying to fight dozing off again. I left the white coat ceremony, and by some freak of nature, as I mentioned earlier, had TWO parties to do that evening, back to back. I rushed to the first one, fighting traffic and wrong turns the whole way until I was finally there. I did that party, then rushed to the next one. The party lasted until about 10:30... I stumbled out at 11. My hair drooped. My head drooped. My eyes were sandbags that wouldn't stay open. I was so tired that as soon as I got on the highway I had to pull off at an exit and rest at a gas station. I locked my doors, but this time I was so tired I slept through my alarm and when I awoke, it was after 1:00 A.M. the lights were dark and it was scarily quiet. I sighed and couldn't believe myself. By some miracle I made it home. I stumbled into bed, all of my more tired that I had ever been.
Saturday I had two parties, but thankfully was able to sleep in until about 8; still tired, but the tiredness wasn't critical as it had been. I was able to relax the rest of the evening, go for a run, make lunch for the week and unwind. Today was even better; I had a relaxing morning and even fit in some studying amongst my ritual weekend chores (vacuuming, tea making, organizing my balloon aprons, paint brush cleaning and remembering that I should wash my sheets). I managed to get it all done, go to a birthday party as the Frozen Queen up in Jasper, get a pretty view of the mountains and stop there for a Walmart shopping trip, since I have yet to find the Walmart in ATL and don't know that if I find it that I'll necessarily like what I see (Atlanta is sketchy enough as it is!)
So this weekend has been good for me, and I learned a very important lesson on the power of sleep. If I keep myself centered and focused, I think I will be fine. I know PT school is going to be hard... but I know that everytime I think of the people I am passionate about helping, that I will remember how worth it this journey will be.
It's here, guys. My dream of being a Physical Therapist is here, and it begins with this single step, this single first day.
Here goes nothing, and here's to getting used to having males in my class again after 3 years at a women's college.
Go Bears! ;)
Friday, October 21, 2011
From Knight to Pirate... Wait, Are You Sure This Is College?
I think a little bit of the stress is getting to me. I haven't quite felt myself lately, though this week I've been markedly better.
I've come to learn that stress always comes in waves. It's rarely a little bit here, a little but there, but rather it builds up all at once and pummels you at full force. This is how I felt lately. There's been so much on my mind. I apologize if this blog seems like it comes off as a rant, but, well, I suppose it is.
Organic Chemistry stresses me out. I think our professor wants to see us fail. She'll give out practice quizzes before our quiz, make us think we are prepared, then give us a quiz about nothing we've gone over in class. I am doing okay in this class for now but maintaining that "okay" status is going to make me in for a rough 2 months. I want out of this class. With a passing grade. December cannot come soon enough.
Thinking about where to go to Grad School - balancing location with finance - is stressful. You may think it's a little early to be considering this but apparently it's not. Change of plans. Registration for Spring Semester is coming up. My summer counselor at Wesleyan had previously convinced me that graduating in 3 years was a good idea. I would have more time to finish my classes, be less stressed, etc. Wesleyan's organizes its students by a class system that puts every new incoming class into one of 4 different classes. Right now it is Golden Hearts 2015, Purple Knights 2014, Red Pirates 2013, and Green Knights 2012. After the Senior Green Knights graduate this year our next incoming class will be the new Green Knight Class of 2016, next incoming class will be the Pirates of 2017, and so on. So graduating in 3 years made me a Purple Knight. But I looked over the list of classes this week that I need to graduate with my biology major, only to realize that I am easily going to finish my requirements in two years. I love Wesleyan dearly already but there's truly no point in staying, and paying for, another year that I do not need. Academically I will not feel challenged - I'll feel like I'm simply floating along. Financially I don't need to be paying for another unnecessary year when I could put that money towards grad school. I have a goal, and Wesleyan is simply a stepping stone on the way to the big picture. With this said, today I talked with my counselor and decided that I would be a Junior, graduate in 2013, and thus become a "Pirate".
So... I know this is going to be a stressful next year and a half. Being a College Junior slates me for picking out grad schools, applying and taking my GRE this time next year. I need to come up with a game plan, and I have little time to lose. One one side it hardly seems fair that I have just finished working out the stress of getting into Undergrad and now have to worry about the what comes next already. It's exhausting. And I'm scared. Did I just make a huge mistake? How am I going to make the right decision on which school I go to? I want to go to school in Atlanta but is the hefty price I will pay in student loans worth it? How can I make Grad School fit into the rest of my life, my plans outside of school? What is the best choice? What do I do?
The matter of Diabetes as well as In-State Residency really stresses me out. As I said above, I do want to go to Graduate School in Atlanta. It is a good fit for me; my entertainment business is working out really well. Most of my work is in Atlanta and I have to drive there just about every weekend as it is. In over a year I will have formed a clientele base with a job that I can maintain all throughout college. It brings in good money, and since it is only weekends, I do not have to worry about it conflicting too much with school - any other job might very well be out of the question due to the time and academic rigor that Graduate School will prove to be. My two main interests so far are Mercer's Doctorate of Physical Therapy program, which is located in Atlanta, and Georgia State University's. Georgia State University has great prices... for in state students. Mercer is private so I don't pay out of state fees, but, it costs nearly $9000 a semester for a three year program. So is it worth it to pay a high price at Mercer for a good name? After all, GSU tuition is half that. But becoming an in-state resident is complicated as I do not have an actual, non-college, address of my own with which to register to vote, get a license, register a vehicle, etc. And I really don't want to go back to Florida. Nothing against my family or friends who I love, but I literally just left and I don't want to come back quite so soon. To complicate matters is my ever-so-understanding chronic disease. Oh, Diabetes, how you irk me. Medicaid is going to run out on October 13th, 2012 when I turn 19, like it or not. And until I graduate Grad School and get a job that provides me health care finances are going to be a stretch. And though this probably sounds way too dramatic and I know in a few years things will be okay, just getting through College alive... literally... seems way more imposing than taking Physics I and II next year seems now, which basically means I'm scared out of my mind. (Especially if Grad School requires me to have health insurance like Wesleyan does. I could get the College health care, but, it is practically useless to a person with a disease such as myself. Y'know - a person who actually would need to use it to buy unimportant things such as insulin, and see a doctor, and such.) And until then, I still have Florida Medicaid and haven't seen a Dr. since June, making my Diabetes treatment far more difficult than it normally would be. Guessing how much insulin you need and what your insulin-to-carb ratio, while it changes sometimes on a weekly basis, is extremely difficult to do. And those grey zones when I have no Doctor's advice as to what to do insures that my Blood Sugar is suffering for it.
So with all of the stress of life right now... I try to be positive. I am anxious, but on the other side I am so elated to see my dreams play out. I've worked so hard and poured so many long hours into my education. You have no idea all the time I have sacrificed, all of the exhaustion I have put myself through, all of the hard work I have pushed myself to do. I have pushed my limits further than I would have thought possible before I began college back in Junior Year of High School, at 15. And it's been such a difficult journey, but never once has it not felt worth it. Some people may criticize me for perhaps rushing college too much, but I have never let their criticism get to me. I have done what I think is right for me, what I have deigned to be the best decision. It has not necessarily been the easy route, and I am bypassing a lot of experiences because of the choices I have made, but this is where I'm supposed to be. I feel like I am at the right place, at just the right time. God's timing is, after all, so perfect. And to feel so close to my goal of getting my 4-year degree - and moving on to the final step, Graduate School - gives me a rare occasion to feel proud of myself. I was a two-year college graduate at 17, and I am going to finish my four year degree at 19. Many people at my age haven't even graduated High School yet; I'm about to go to Graduate School in just a short amount of time.
There are just so many things to think about, talk about, and pray about right now. These last few days I have been praying and praying and I know that God is with me, helping me. I have prayed for inner peace, respite from my restless mind and that he will make apparent to me where I want to be. Things will work out, and I have the rest of this school year to decide all of the important things and smooth out the details. This all is such a big deal for me. These decisions are going to impact my entire life. It won't be easy, but I always knew that this journey wouldn't be easy. God has created me just capable enough of handling what needs to be done.
I've come to learn that stress always comes in waves. It's rarely a little bit here, a little but there, but rather it builds up all at once and pummels you at full force. This is how I felt lately. There's been so much on my mind. I apologize if this blog seems like it comes off as a rant, but, well, I suppose it is.
Organic Chemistry stresses me out. I think our professor wants to see us fail. She'll give out practice quizzes before our quiz, make us think we are prepared, then give us a quiz about nothing we've gone over in class. I am doing okay in this class for now but maintaining that "okay" status is going to make me in for a rough 2 months. I want out of this class. With a passing grade. December cannot come soon enough.
Thinking about where to go to Grad School - balancing location with finance - is stressful. You may think it's a little early to be considering this but apparently it's not. Change of plans. Registration for Spring Semester is coming up. My summer counselor at Wesleyan had previously convinced me that graduating in 3 years was a good idea. I would have more time to finish my classes, be less stressed, etc. Wesleyan's organizes its students by a class system that puts every new incoming class into one of 4 different classes. Right now it is Golden Hearts 2015, Purple Knights 2014, Red Pirates 2013, and Green Knights 2012. After the Senior Green Knights graduate this year our next incoming class will be the new Green Knight Class of 2016, next incoming class will be the Pirates of 2017, and so on. So graduating in 3 years made me a Purple Knight. But I looked over the list of classes this week that I need to graduate with my biology major, only to realize that I am easily going to finish my requirements in two years. I love Wesleyan dearly already but there's truly no point in staying, and paying for, another year that I do not need. Academically I will not feel challenged - I'll feel like I'm simply floating along. Financially I don't need to be paying for another unnecessary year when I could put that money towards grad school. I have a goal, and Wesleyan is simply a stepping stone on the way to the big picture. With this said, today I talked with my counselor and decided that I would be a Junior, graduate in 2013, and thus become a "Pirate".
So... I know this is going to be a stressful next year and a half. Being a College Junior slates me for picking out grad schools, applying and taking my GRE this time next year. I need to come up with a game plan, and I have little time to lose. One one side it hardly seems fair that I have just finished working out the stress of getting into Undergrad and now have to worry about the what comes next already. It's exhausting. And I'm scared. Did I just make a huge mistake? How am I going to make the right decision on which school I go to? I want to go to school in Atlanta but is the hefty price I will pay in student loans worth it? How can I make Grad School fit into the rest of my life, my plans outside of school? What is the best choice? What do I do?
The matter of Diabetes as well as In-State Residency really stresses me out. As I said above, I do want to go to Graduate School in Atlanta. It is a good fit for me; my entertainment business is working out really well. Most of my work is in Atlanta and I have to drive there just about every weekend as it is. In over a year I will have formed a clientele base with a job that I can maintain all throughout college. It brings in good money, and since it is only weekends, I do not have to worry about it conflicting too much with school - any other job might very well be out of the question due to the time and academic rigor that Graduate School will prove to be. My two main interests so far are Mercer's Doctorate of Physical Therapy program, which is located in Atlanta, and Georgia State University's. Georgia State University has great prices... for in state students. Mercer is private so I don't pay out of state fees, but, it costs nearly $9000 a semester for a three year program. So is it worth it to pay a high price at Mercer for a good name? After all, GSU tuition is half that. But becoming an in-state resident is complicated as I do not have an actual, non-college, address of my own with which to register to vote, get a license, register a vehicle, etc. And I really don't want to go back to Florida. Nothing against my family or friends who I love, but I literally just left and I don't want to come back quite so soon. To complicate matters is my ever-so-understanding chronic disease. Oh, Diabetes, how you irk me. Medicaid is going to run out on October 13th, 2012 when I turn 19, like it or not. And until I graduate Grad School and get a job that provides me health care finances are going to be a stretch. And though this probably sounds way too dramatic and I know in a few years things will be okay, just getting through College alive... literally... seems way more imposing than taking Physics I and II next year seems now, which basically means I'm scared out of my mind. (Especially if Grad School requires me to have health insurance like Wesleyan does. I could get the College health care, but, it is practically useless to a person with a disease such as myself. Y'know - a person who actually would need to use it to buy unimportant things such as insulin, and see a doctor, and such.) And until then, I still have Florida Medicaid and haven't seen a Dr. since June, making my Diabetes treatment far more difficult than it normally would be. Guessing how much insulin you need and what your insulin-to-carb ratio, while it changes sometimes on a weekly basis, is extremely difficult to do. And those grey zones when I have no Doctor's advice as to what to do insures that my Blood Sugar is suffering for it.
So with all of the stress of life right now... I try to be positive. I am anxious, but on the other side I am so elated to see my dreams play out. I've worked so hard and poured so many long hours into my education. You have no idea all the time I have sacrificed, all of the exhaustion I have put myself through, all of the hard work I have pushed myself to do. I have pushed my limits further than I would have thought possible before I began college back in Junior Year of High School, at 15. And it's been such a difficult journey, but never once has it not felt worth it. Some people may criticize me for perhaps rushing college too much, but I have never let their criticism get to me. I have done what I think is right for me, what I have deigned to be the best decision. It has not necessarily been the easy route, and I am bypassing a lot of experiences because of the choices I have made, but this is where I'm supposed to be. I feel like I am at the right place, at just the right time. God's timing is, after all, so perfect. And to feel so close to my goal of getting my 4-year degree - and moving on to the final step, Graduate School - gives me a rare occasion to feel proud of myself. I was a two-year college graduate at 17, and I am going to finish my four year degree at 19. Many people at my age haven't even graduated High School yet; I'm about to go to Graduate School in just a short amount of time.
There are just so many things to think about, talk about, and pray about right now. These last few days I have been praying and praying and I know that God is with me, helping me. I have prayed for inner peace, respite from my restless mind and that he will make apparent to me where I want to be. Things will work out, and I have the rest of this school year to decide all of the important things and smooth out the details. This all is such a big deal for me. These decisions are going to impact my entire life. It won't be easy, but I always knew that this journey wouldn't be easy. God has created me just capable enough of handling what needs to be done.
Monday, August 29, 2011
We Now Interrupt Studying To Bring You This Blog
I've been at College over a week, but it feels like ages. This has been one of the longest weeks of my life! Adjusting is strange. I have been away from home before, but actually being moved out feels entirely different. Nothing can quite describe how strange it is to know that I will probably never live at home again. That era of my life has ended, and thus has begun the rest of my life. And besides the profound, then there's the nitpicky things... Items such as laundry detergent, dryer sheets, snacks and cleaning supplies that I once took for granted I now find myself carefully budgeting for on my shopping list at Walmart. I have to clean the bathroom mirror, wipe down the counters, and haul my laundry down to the basement... and not forget to leave my clothes there, because this isn't my laundry room at home.
My way of life has changed, too. You pick up many little things. Like the fact that the ability to sew in College is a commodity. So is having a vehicle. Get to meals early otherwise there won't be any plates, fruit or plastic cups for tea left. Everything else seems to take precedence before the word "sleep" can even make it into your vocabulary.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed. Wesleyan is academically rigorous, and although I haven't been in classes even a week it feels like I have already plunged neck-deep into 3 months worth of work. I have two years of college experience but Wesleyan is quite unlike Valencia in every way imaginable. The Professors are much more in-depth, and expect so much more, than many of my Professors at Valencia did. Everyone here is so bright and focused that as a student here you feel the need to strive and work the hardest that you can.
My schedule is filled, it is insane. It's not necessarily that I'm taking more classes - I'm actually taking far less than I'm used to this semester - but the way they are spaced, classes all 5 days a week, makes my schedule very tight. Add in work study, study, managing a business, homework, mealtimes, Diabetes, me-time, exercise, balancing friends and relationships, and my excellent time management skills have suddenly been sent reeling.
I am still getting to know people... and adjusting to the concept of doing so. My homeschooling background combined with my shy nature and my time at Valencia as the baby in all my classes had previously culminated in a rather socially isolated lifestyle for me. I kept a group of immeasurably close, tight-knit friends from Smith Prep (My Homeschool-Highschool) and few others. Now I have left my friends behind, the ones who I had grown up with, bonded with, spend years growing comfortable with. I am surrounded by strangers, people I have never met. It is strange to let myself open up, shake off the shyness, and share my life with those I don't know. And I don't quite know what I'm looking for in people. I have made some great friends here at Wesleyan so far, but... I just feel... a little cut off. I talk to a lot of people, but rarely do I feel as if I get the opportunity to talk about myself. Is it selfish to feel that way? I hope not. I feel as if I am bursting at the seams with things to say, but few to listen. Rarely have I ever shared my life with others, but it used to be because I didn't want to. Now I want to, but will others listen? Will I bore them with my thoughts, my worries, my frustrations, my joys, my stories? Would they ever even want to ask questions about me? Sometimes I just wish someone would come up to me, introduce themselves, and ask me how I am. How I really am.
I would tell them about my Diabetes. How difficult it is when so few people can truly understand what having a chronic disease in life - and most particularly in College - is all about. How I carry glucose tabs in my backpack and carefully calculate all the carbs in my food before I eat. How I prefer to eat my carbs rather than drink them, and how sore my fingertips get when I prick them in the same place with the lancet too much. How it sucks to feel like the world is dizzily turning upside down as you suffer from a low while the whole world looks on and thinks that there is nothing wrong. I would show them my Medical ID Bracelet, which rests in its place on my left wrist always. I would tell them about my family back home, about my mother and my father, about life growing up in Florida. Why I chose Wesleyan and why I chose to leave Orlando, Florida behind for the seemingly lackluster in comparison city of Macon, Georgia. I would tell them how I love experiencing the seasons, the joy I get from seeing hills and mountains, the satisfaction of being able to drive somewhere in less than 20 minutes. I would tell them my testimony, my stories, my roots. I would tell them about my best friends, my boyfriend, the people I love. I would tell them my favorite things to do, like sitting in the library with Libris the cat, going on adventures and seeing new places, listening to music, and dancing in the rain. I hope that there will be those who will ask.
Life is different now, more so than it has ever been before. I love it, it is wonderful, and God's work is apparent everywhere. It'll take time to adjust to this new place, but I'm confident that, in time, Wesleyan will begin to feel like home.
My way of life has changed, too. You pick up many little things. Like the fact that the ability to sew in College is a commodity. So is having a vehicle. Get to meals early otherwise there won't be any plates, fruit or plastic cups for tea left. Everything else seems to take precedence before the word "sleep" can even make it into your vocabulary.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed. Wesleyan is academically rigorous, and although I haven't been in classes even a week it feels like I have already plunged neck-deep into 3 months worth of work. I have two years of college experience but Wesleyan is quite unlike Valencia in every way imaginable. The Professors are much more in-depth, and expect so much more, than many of my Professors at Valencia did. Everyone here is so bright and focused that as a student here you feel the need to strive and work the hardest that you can.
My schedule is filled, it is insane. It's not necessarily that I'm taking more classes - I'm actually taking far less than I'm used to this semester - but the way they are spaced, classes all 5 days a week, makes my schedule very tight. Add in work study, study, managing a business, homework, mealtimes, Diabetes, me-time, exercise, balancing friends and relationships, and my excellent time management skills have suddenly been sent reeling.
I am still getting to know people... and adjusting to the concept of doing so. My homeschooling background combined with my shy nature and my time at Valencia as the baby in all my classes had previously culminated in a rather socially isolated lifestyle for me. I kept a group of immeasurably close, tight-knit friends from Smith Prep (My Homeschool-Highschool) and few others. Now I have left my friends behind, the ones who I had grown up with, bonded with, spend years growing comfortable with. I am surrounded by strangers, people I have never met. It is strange to let myself open up, shake off the shyness, and share my life with those I don't know. And I don't quite know what I'm looking for in people. I have made some great friends here at Wesleyan so far, but... I just feel... a little cut off. I talk to a lot of people, but rarely do I feel as if I get the opportunity to talk about myself. Is it selfish to feel that way? I hope not. I feel as if I am bursting at the seams with things to say, but few to listen. Rarely have I ever shared my life with others, but it used to be because I didn't want to. Now I want to, but will others listen? Will I bore them with my thoughts, my worries, my frustrations, my joys, my stories? Would they ever even want to ask questions about me? Sometimes I just wish someone would come up to me, introduce themselves, and ask me how I am. How I really am.
I would tell them about my Diabetes. How difficult it is when so few people can truly understand what having a chronic disease in life - and most particularly in College - is all about. How I carry glucose tabs in my backpack and carefully calculate all the carbs in my food before I eat. How I prefer to eat my carbs rather than drink them, and how sore my fingertips get when I prick them in the same place with the lancet too much. How it sucks to feel like the world is dizzily turning upside down as you suffer from a low while the whole world looks on and thinks that there is nothing wrong. I would show them my Medical ID Bracelet, which rests in its place on my left wrist always. I would tell them about my family back home, about my mother and my father, about life growing up in Florida. Why I chose Wesleyan and why I chose to leave Orlando, Florida behind for the seemingly lackluster in comparison city of Macon, Georgia. I would tell them how I love experiencing the seasons, the joy I get from seeing hills and mountains, the satisfaction of being able to drive somewhere in less than 20 minutes. I would tell them my testimony, my stories, my roots. I would tell them about my best friends, my boyfriend, the people I love. I would tell them my favorite things to do, like sitting in the library with Libris the cat, going on adventures and seeing new places, listening to music, and dancing in the rain. I hope that there will be those who will ask.
Life is different now, more so than it has ever been before. I love it, it is wonderful, and God's work is apparent everywhere. It'll take time to adjust to this new place, but I'm confident that, in time, Wesleyan will begin to feel like home.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
College Countdown
As some of you know, last month was my Summer Orientation at Wesleyan College, which I start at this Fall. Move-in is August 20th and classes officially start the 24th. I know that I am bored now, but after a week into college once I become swamped in the bottomless depths of schoolwork I am positive that I will absolutely be regretting not choosing to discontinue the rest of my education and become a homeless person!
Uh... just kidding. Kinda.
It's true, I am not really looking forward to the actual schooling aspect of my College education. Don't get me wrong, College and school in general has never been a problem for me, but it IS nice to sleep in, work on my tan, spend the day on the couch watching Netflix movies, and take midnight swims in the pool. I will miss that for the next year. But I AM super excited to start at Wesleyan, as well! Orientation was amazing and I had a really good time. All of my fellow freshmen are absolutely incredible, and I love them all, even the ones I haven't met yet. (Go Golden Hearts!) All of the people there are so friendly and helpful and I know that they will help me to feel right at home once school starts. Going to an all-girls school may have its downs but it's pretty awesome in the fact that it's like having the most epic giant year-long slumber party complete with Michael Jackson karaoke, tie dye, and endless amounts of junk food which I can only stare at longingly. I'm looking forward to living on campus, decorating my dorm room, experiencing new things, and being an actual college student... not just a misplaced High School kid!
As I chose my schedule for the semester I was however very glad of my decision to have dual enrolled and got my AA. While all the requirements for my Biology Major at Wesleyan will put me at about 3 years there, I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to have completed nearly all of my core classes and avoided having to take WISE, the yearlong freshman orientation.
My classes for this semester include Organic Chemistry (pray for me), Sculpture (excited to get the chance to channel my inner Michelangelo), 3D Design (a "fluff" class to get me all the credits I need for the semester), Spanish 101.02 (To satisfy foreign language requirements... but I have a feeling I'll still be rather No Habla Espanol) and a semester long transition seminar in lieu of having to take WISE. I am a little frustrated that I can't dive right into my science classes, but next semester I'll be taking a lot more of them and those pricey textbooks are likely to make me tire of them real quickly.
As for the textbook situation *cries* - I miss free books - I rented my two textbooks for the semester at www.Chegg.com for $184. Pricey still, but I'm only using these books for one semester and it beats spending $500 for the same material.
Dorm supplies so far include an egg crate mattress pad, desk lamp, laundry hamper, shower caddy, shoe hanger, closet organizers, minifridge, and really cute storage. If you have any more suggestions as to what I should put on that list, please, share with me!
Looking forward to College with eager anticipation whilst mourning the last month of Summer...
Uh... just kidding. Kinda.
It's true, I am not really looking forward to the actual schooling aspect of my College education. Don't get me wrong, College and school in general has never been a problem for me, but it IS nice to sleep in, work on my tan, spend the day on the couch watching Netflix movies, and take midnight swims in the pool. I will miss that for the next year. But I AM super excited to start at Wesleyan, as well! Orientation was amazing and I had a really good time. All of my fellow freshmen are absolutely incredible, and I love them all, even the ones I haven't met yet. (Go Golden Hearts!) All of the people there are so friendly and helpful and I know that they will help me to feel right at home once school starts. Going to an all-girls school may have its downs but it's pretty awesome in the fact that it's like having the most epic giant year-long slumber party complete with Michael Jackson karaoke, tie dye, and endless amounts of junk food which I can only stare at longingly. I'm looking forward to living on campus, decorating my dorm room, experiencing new things, and being an actual college student... not just a misplaced High School kid!
Some pics from Wesleyan Summer Orientation --- Tie-Dye night!
Lunch with all of the wonderful girls in my Orientation Group!
As I chose my schedule for the semester I was however very glad of my decision to have dual enrolled and got my AA. While all the requirements for my Biology Major at Wesleyan will put me at about 3 years there, I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to have completed nearly all of my core classes and avoided having to take WISE, the yearlong freshman orientation.
My classes for this semester include Organic Chemistry (pray for me), Sculpture (excited to get the chance to channel my inner Michelangelo), 3D Design (a "fluff" class to get me all the credits I need for the semester), Spanish 101.02 (To satisfy foreign language requirements... but I have a feeling I'll still be rather No Habla Espanol) and a semester long transition seminar in lieu of having to take WISE. I am a little frustrated that I can't dive right into my science classes, but next semester I'll be taking a lot more of them and those pricey textbooks are likely to make me tire of them real quickly.
As for the textbook situation *cries* - I miss free books - I rented my two textbooks for the semester at www.Chegg.com for $184. Pricey still, but I'm only using these books for one semester and it beats spending $500 for the same material.
Dorm supplies so far include an egg crate mattress pad, desk lamp, laundry hamper, shower caddy, shoe hanger, closet organizers, minifridge, and really cute storage. If you have any more suggestions as to what I should put on that list, please, share with me!
Looking forward to College with eager anticipation whilst mourning the last month of Summer...
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
"She Took the Loaded Questions Out of Her Head..."
Alright... I've been seriously slacking on Blogging lately. I promise I'll pick it back up once things get settled down - moving is just a short week and a half away, and there's so much to do.
This past week has been one of the best I've ever had!
Once I survived the initial grueling Graduation Practice, things took off smoothly from there.
Rainy Wednesday I cleaned for the party and went over to Smith Prep (my old school) to help paint the walls. It was fun to get messy and share some conversations with both new and old friends. I experienced a minor lapse in judgement when I forgot to pack a snack in case of any mid-afternoon hypos, and ended up having to sit down whilst in the middle of painting with a shiny BG of 61 staring out of the glucometer screen at me. A little frantic that it was going to drop lower and I'd have no way of driving myself home, I was happy to discover that there were boxes of pizza in the adjacent room, and all was well from there. (Lesson learned: I will not forget to bring my snacks ever ever again.) My grandmother came that evening with a suitcase full of dresses to pass down to me - and I went to bed early to be up for graduation in the morning.
I woke up at 5:30am to get showered and prettied up for graduation, wearing an all-white dress to go under my all-white graduation gown. I was elated as I checked to make sure I had the graduation tickets, glucometer, insulin, and graduation cap. On the way we stopped by Starbucks. I was proud of myself - I resisted from getting any carb-laden frappuchinos and settled for a passion fruit iced tea instead. The lady at the register told me "Congratulations" and, with a smile, gave me my tea for free! Several other people in the store smiled and told me congratulations, and I was so excited as I walked out of the store, carefully sipping my drink so as to spill none on my clean gown.
We arrived at the UCF arena and I rushed to the gymnasium where my "class" was lined up on the bleachers, in order, to wait for commencement. I was glad I hadn't brought my cell phone as the teachers had taken to patting students down in order to make sure they had no electronics on them. I wrestled my tiny self through the crowd to the front of the line in order to grab my name card and found my correct seat, then kicked off my shoes and sat down to wait. The teachers all laughed at my bare feet. I had a fun time talking with the other nervous, excited Seniors around me as we spent 1.5 hours trying to occupy ourselves until we could finally march on stage. "Do you think it's too late to apply for Bright Futures? I think the deadline is today..." the guy next to me asked. "Ohmygoodness! I'm so excited!" The girl beside me gushed. Finally, after and eternally long wait, we lined up. Hearts fluttering, we walked through the back halls of the arena until we finally came to the entrance into the arena. We walked out onto the bright floor, cameras flashing and parents cheering. I was all smiles. It suddenly dawned on me that, although the graduation practices had been long, seemingly pointless and boring as all get out, ultimately, I was glad to have made the choice to go through with it. It was all worth it in the end when, heart beating fast, butterflies in my stomach, I heard my name called: "Lacy Elizabeth Ball, Summa Cum Laude", and walked across the stage to receive my diploma. That moment was one of the proudest moments in my life. After 13 years of hard work, I had finally reached the finish line, and the reward was wonderful indeed.
Friday was the day of my party. Thursday I had worked hard after graduation to make sure everything was ready - that way I didn't have to stress. I had made cookies, sugar-free cake, went shopping for food with my mother and grandmother, and set up the tents, tables, and moonwalk in the backyard. The house was cleaned and all ready for visitors. The party was fantastic. I got to see friends from as far back as Kindergarten and all of my high school friends. We played Loaded Questions and talked and jousted and ate good food. Memorable Quote from the party: "She took the loaded questions out of her head!" We even got to witness Mr. Phillips, our old teacher, battle Blake to a jousting match. It was terrifying and exhilarating :)
This past week has been one of the best I've ever had!
Once I survived the initial grueling Graduation Practice, things took off smoothly from there.
Rainy Wednesday I cleaned for the party and went over to Smith Prep (my old school) to help paint the walls. It was fun to get messy and share some conversations with both new and old friends. I experienced a minor lapse in judgement when I forgot to pack a snack in case of any mid-afternoon hypos, and ended up having to sit down whilst in the middle of painting with a shiny BG of 61 staring out of the glucometer screen at me. A little frantic that it was going to drop lower and I'd have no way of driving myself home, I was happy to discover that there were boxes of pizza in the adjacent room, and all was well from there. (Lesson learned: I will not forget to bring my snacks ever ever again.) My grandmother came that evening with a suitcase full of dresses to pass down to me - and I went to bed early to be up for graduation in the morning.
I woke up at 5:30am to get showered and prettied up for graduation, wearing an all-white dress to go under my all-white graduation gown. I was elated as I checked to make sure I had the graduation tickets, glucometer, insulin, and graduation cap. On the way we stopped by Starbucks. I was proud of myself - I resisted from getting any carb-laden frappuchinos and settled for a passion fruit iced tea instead. The lady at the register told me "Congratulations" and, with a smile, gave me my tea for free! Several other people in the store smiled and told me congratulations, and I was so excited as I walked out of the store, carefully sipping my drink so as to spill none on my clean gown.
We arrived at the UCF arena and I rushed to the gymnasium where my "class" was lined up on the bleachers, in order, to wait for commencement. I was glad I hadn't brought my cell phone as the teachers had taken to patting students down in order to make sure they had no electronics on them. I wrestled my tiny self through the crowd to the front of the line in order to grab my name card and found my correct seat, then kicked off my shoes and sat down to wait. The teachers all laughed at my bare feet. I had a fun time talking with the other nervous, excited Seniors around me as we spent 1.5 hours trying to occupy ourselves until we could finally march on stage. "Do you think it's too late to apply for Bright Futures? I think the deadline is today..." the guy next to me asked. "Ohmygoodness! I'm so excited!" The girl beside me gushed. Finally, after and eternally long wait, we lined up. Hearts fluttering, we walked through the back halls of the arena until we finally came to the entrance into the arena. We walked out onto the bright floor, cameras flashing and parents cheering. I was all smiles. It suddenly dawned on me that, although the graduation practices had been long, seemingly pointless and boring as all get out, ultimately, I was glad to have made the choice to go through with it. It was all worth it in the end when, heart beating fast, butterflies in my stomach, I heard my name called: "Lacy Elizabeth Ball, Summa Cum Laude", and walked across the stage to receive my diploma. That moment was one of the proudest moments in my life. After 13 years of hard work, I had finally reached the finish line, and the reward was wonderful indeed.
Friday was the day of my party. Thursday I had worked hard after graduation to make sure everything was ready - that way I didn't have to stress. I had made cookies, sugar-free cake, went shopping for food with my mother and grandmother, and set up the tents, tables, and moonwalk in the backyard. The house was cleaned and all ready for visitors. The party was fantastic. I got to see friends from as far back as Kindergarten and all of my high school friends. We played Loaded Questions and talked and jousted and ate good food. Memorable Quote from the party: "She took the loaded questions out of her head!" We even got to witness Mr. Phillips, our old teacher, battle Blake to a jousting match. It was terrifying and exhilarating :)
Saturday I went to Rock Springs with my two friends, Emma and Erica. The water was so cold and the initial shock of jumping in made you question whether or not the swim was worth it, but 5 minutes in the water and it was so hot outside that it soon began to feel like bath water. And it was so beautiful! I always love taking a trip to Rock Springs. It's right down the street from me, so I wonder why I never go more.
That evening I went out to eat with my brother, sister-in-law, and Dad. Sunday we went out to breakfast at Mimi's and did a little more college shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond. I can't believe I'm moving in a week and a half! It was, all in all, a wonderful weekend, and I'll remember it for the rest of my life.
Oh... and my blood sugars behaved wonderfully all weekend. :)
Friday, April 22, 2011
They're Handing Out Free VEGETABLES!
Nothing like a $21, 765 hospital bill to take the sticker shock off of college. What a rip! My first year of college costs *only* $18,000 + room and board.
Okay, okay. What I really should be saying is either, "Wow, that's a really nice car I just bought", or,
"AHHHHH!"
But I am surprisingly calm.
When you receive a bill that high, it's sort of so surreal that you can't actually fathom paying it, so you sort of just feel like bragging about it instead. "Hey, guess what! I got a $20k hospital bill! What's YOUR highest bill? Ha! I bet mine's higher than yours! Isn't this so EXCITING?"
Yes, I realize that the real world doesn't really function this way, but I'm quickly coming to learn that in the medical world, all you can really do is just "go with it" and pretend that everything's alright. So here's to letting at least this one worry off my chest.
Today started out pretty good. Blood sugar tested at 72 this morning - Awesome! I had oatmeal and a fried egg for breakfast, and before lunch my blood sugar was 86. The Endo adjusted my insulin levels this week when I went in for an appointment Monday, and my blood sugar levels, while occasionally moody, have seemed to level out for the moment quite well.
Finals are next week and I will admit that I am succumbing to pre-finals stress. But I'm doing my best to handle it all. I have a handy little Whiteboard I got while staying in the hospital. I write out all my To-Do's and it gives me an undeniable sense of satisfaction to check each task off as I finish it.
Yesterday was good as well, I went to Valencia to drop off the evil ten-essay-Wall Street Journal Project that I waited until THIS WEEK to start! I'll be glad after school is officially DONE next week and my serious case of Senior-itis will be alleviated for, hopefully, ever. (Then I will have to settle for other less-convincing excuses for procrastination - note to self: start writing the list now! (Or tomorrow...)
I planned to stop by Erica's house on the way back from Valencia so we could study for our economics finals, and as I held my cell phone up to my ear to call her, she answered, sounding more excited than if she'd won a free car.
"I'm at Valencia too. THEY'RE HANDING OUT FREE VEGETABLES ON THE SSB PATIO! AND I GOT A FREE PLANT!"
Nothing like free vegetables to get me in the mood to keep eating healthy.
So in honor of Earth day, I got a free head of organic lettuce and one of the best cucumbers I've ever tasted. I also got a free thyme plant - (I still think it's pronounced "THYme" and not "time". I possess a miserably useless green thumb... (I once killed a cactus because I didn't water it enough) so hopefully I'll be able to keep this plant alive for longer than two weeks, and soon be enjoying some thyme tea.
Don't forget, for all you freebie-excited people out there - tomorrow Lowe's is giving away 1 million free trees! Don't you just love Earth Day?
Now that I've gotten out some of my finals stress, it is time to get back to work and STUDY!
What do you plan to do over this Summer?
Monday, April 18, 2011
Finis: Ode to the End of High School as I Know It!
Well, I've almost done it.
Almost finished high school (without having ever even attended an actual high school.)
Four years of endless homework, quizzes, speeches, tests, exams, death-by-chemistry, obscenely overloaded class schedules, enough awkward phases to last me two lifetimes, characteristically high school-ish stupidity...
I am nearly free.
In one week from tomorrow, I will be done with highschool for GOOD!
Here are some of the highlights of my high school years:
1. Pouring melted cheese all over myself intentionally is definitely the icing on my no-more-highschool-cake.
2. Anything VSO-related, including self-inflicted Cheerwine-highs and almost falling off the side of a mountain.
3. Pole dancing on the monorails at Disney.
4. "Mommy, are they part of the exhibit?" and, "Uhh... are you guys okay?"
5. Making obscene amounts of chocolate chip cookies in the wee hours of the morning at the Kuckuck's. (Hey, just because I'm now diabetic doesn't mean that's gonna stop.)
6. 2 a.m. trips to Waffle House while singing to Kesha.
7. Attempting to light batteries on fire in a church parking lot.
8. Anything to do with a. Erica and b. The food at Erica's house.
9. Swimming... giggly-inquisitive mermaids... "unleash your inner Goddess"... no more is gonna be said on the subject.
10. Mall at Millenia in prom dresses.
11. Basically going to any public place wearing outfits that should be expressly reserved for Halloween.
12. Smith Prep Prom, every year.
13. The infamous meeting of Hello Sexy and Mr. Delicious.
14. Tackling Kelle to the ground at the airport terminal.
- Too many more.
I don't graduate highschool until June 2nd, but a week from now I'll be finished with all my finals, papers, studying, classes, for good. Which is basically like graduating because it means that, for a brief honeymoon period, I will be free of all educational obligations and be able to enjoy my life again and all the things that that entails.
On my post-high school pre-start-of-college bucket list includes:
- Finally going to the beach
- Using that Twistee Treat gift certificate
- Shopping for swimsuits!
- Getting my butt to the track and RUNNING, no more wimpy walks around the lake when I can manage to squeeze them in
- Rock Springs and Wekiva Springs
- A long overdue trip to Georgia
- Vigorously searching for yummy diabetic-friendly recipes
- Finally using that copy of Rosetta Stone
- PACKING FOR COLLEGE! AHH!
- Washing my poor, neglected truck
- Spending some quality time with my cat
- Investing in some new books, which I will have a chance to actually read
- Taste-testing every diet soda on the grocery shelf in order to find my favorite soda-of-choice
- Improving my face painting skills!
Yeah, yeah, I realize that I'll be slammed with basically the same thing over again tenfold once I reach college (well, re-reach - it sucks graduating college now only to be re-demoted to freshman again come this Fall), but I figure that this is indeed a situation that calls for a celebratory blog post-in-lieu-of-finals studying (aka what I should be doing at this moment).
So, it's almost time to celebrate.
Let's just get through with these pesky finals first...
Monday, March 7, 2011
Reflections
Graduation is t-minus 3 months away, and life has never felt stranger.
I've been excited for this day for a long time.
But now that it's finally almost here, I don't know what to think anymore.
These days, I look at old pictures, re-visit places, and have conversations with old friends. But what really shocks me is when we will talk and reminisce on old times, and suddenly realize that those old times happened years ago.
That High School truly was a daze. It flew by.
Now all of my regrets, my experiences, my choices, my past - have come back to haunt me.
I never realized how strange it would be to graduate.
I assumed it would be amazing, exciting and new - and it is.
But at the same time, sometimes I find myself simply overwhelmed.
Because underneath my veneer of excitement, truth is, I'm terrified.
People tell you that Senior Year is awesome. Amazing. A fun blur of prom, parties, and friends. What they fail to tell you is that it is a flurry of tests, paperwork, college searches, essays, transcripts, phone calls, letters, and suddenly, shockingly; a face-to-face encounter with a major dose of real-world responsibility.
If you can afford to buy a brand new $200 prom dress, get your hair professionally done, and rent a limo, kudos. You're extensively well-off.
If you ever manage to have time to spend time with your friends, congratulations. You are an expert at multitasking.
Last night, I did a major clean-through of my room. I'm talking throwing out old pencils, school supplies, souvenirs, clothes, magazines, everything. All of a sudden, after 17 years of being a pack-rat, I am determined to be a minimalist. I feel as if the more stuff I have weighing me down, the more painful it will be to let go of the life I am now on the precipice of leaving behind.
With every old, unneeded item I throw away, I leave a little more of that old life behind. I've been doing several series' of room-purging these past few months, and I must say that the effect has now become quite extensive. It has now dawned on me that I haven't much else to "minimalize" any more. And even that's too much. I will leave more behind as, in just a few months, I will get out the boxes and pack up merely the necessities.
It hasn't been easy, parting with all of my stuff. I'll pick something up and think, "Oh, I'll want that", but then have to stop myself and think, "Do I really need this? I haven't used it in years." So, the clothes that haven't been worn since middle school (but I am still convinced I will someday fit into again) have been given away to charity. Old toys and birthday party favors have been tossed in the trash. My sentimental items have been numbered down, placed in boxes for someday or for the scrapbooks when I get around to it.
And... It helps me feel at peace.
After years of gathering this and that, it feels good to let go.
I am moving on, bit by bit.
But the hardest is still yet to come.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Tough Decisions
Daily I find myself barraged my a flurry of mail from colleges; I'm receiving scholarship offers and acceptance into a few; but really, I have no idea where to go. I'm so confused as to where to choose!
1. Wesleyan College (Macon, Ga)
Originally my first choice, I've been accepted and received a scholarship. By the time I raise my SAT score even higher (this Saturday when I re-take it hopefully), I will get more scholarship money, and then be in the running for the big, full-time scholarships. I still have lots of chances to get bigger scholarships from here, plus pell grant and Phi Theta Kappa scholarships will cover virtually all tuition costs, even if I don't - and housing and books if I (hopefully) do. I'm really impressed all-around by Wesleyan so far. Wesleyan being out of state really appeals to me, as I've always wanted the chance to live somewhere new, even if it's only a state away from Florida. It's private, so it does not have out-of-state fees. I know Macon, plus I really like how small and how attentive everyone is to you here. It's a beautiful school, and I love small, private colleges far better than big universities, even with the extra expenses. With scholarships those expenses don't figure in as much, afterall. Plus there is a massive resident cat living in the library. However, it is all women, and you are required to live on-campus. These might be potential downsides for me - maybe I wouldn't like the lack an all-women's school? Maybe I'd want to get an apartment? Housing is a lot of $$$. Still deciding whether or not I should attend, but it's still my first choice. I'm definitely waiting to see what they offer if I can get some bigger scholarships as well - plus what Grad Schools I can go to for Physical Therapy, and a potential deal with Pruitt that would pay for all college costs in exchange for employment.
2. Jacksonville University (Jacksonville, Florida)
1. Wesleyan College (Macon, Ga)
Originally my first choice, I've been accepted and received a scholarship. By the time I raise my SAT score even higher (this Saturday when I re-take it hopefully), I will get more scholarship money, and then be in the running for the big, full-time scholarships. I still have lots of chances to get bigger scholarships from here, plus pell grant and Phi Theta Kappa scholarships will cover virtually all tuition costs, even if I don't - and housing and books if I (hopefully) do. I'm really impressed all-around by Wesleyan so far. Wesleyan being out of state really appeals to me, as I've always wanted the chance to live somewhere new, even if it's only a state away from Florida. It's private, so it does not have out-of-state fees. I know Macon, plus I really like how small and how attentive everyone is to you here. It's a beautiful school, and I love small, private colleges far better than big universities, even with the extra expenses. With scholarships those expenses don't figure in as much, afterall. Plus there is a massive resident cat living in the library. However, it is all women, and you are required to live on-campus. These might be potential downsides for me - maybe I wouldn't like the lack an all-women's school? Maybe I'd want to get an apartment? Housing is a lot of $$$. Still deciding whether or not I should attend, but it's still my first choice. I'm definitely waiting to see what they offer if I can get some bigger scholarships as well - plus what Grad Schools I can go to for Physical Therapy, and a potential deal with Pruitt that would pay for all college costs in exchange for employment.
2. Jacksonville University (Jacksonville, Florida)
Jax University was never really high on my list of choices for me, but it's really been growing on me and is definitely my number two choice - possibly number one. I recently learned that I have been accepted and have received a $13,000 per year scholarship from them - though I'd still have to come up with $13,000 more - it's $13000 per-semester, being private. However, after pell grant and Bright Futures, it would be virtually free, housing not included. It's a very nice school, I've heard, plus it's got a good pre-physical therapy program for Biology Majors. I'm going to go visit and see - maybe I'll go here!
3. UCF (University of Central Florida) (Orlando, Fl)
I go to Valencia Community College for full-time dual enrollment in Orlando, Fl. Basically, I'm practically going to UCF - Valencia features "direct-connect" to UCF in which Valencia students can take classes at both Valencia and UCF at the same time, and Valencia students are guaranteed admission into UCF. Naturally, I can't rule UCF out. I've only just applied there, but the low tuition costs plus the location (right here) are certainly really convenient. I do a lot of very helpfully profitable entertainment and party work in Orlando, so I wouldn't have to give that up and/or have to rebuild business and clientèle as I would have to in a new place. Phi Theta Kappa scholarships, Bright futures, and Pell Grant will also make UCF virtually free, even with housing - not to mention UCF is the only one of the schools I've mentioned so far that offers the Physical Therapy Doctorate I want, so I wouldn't have to go elsewhere for grad school. Downsides are, UCF is one of the largest schools in the country, so I would lose the benefit of one-on-one teacher experience and small student-to-professor ratios. With the difficulty of my upcoming classes and my major in general, finding a school with helpful professor's and small classes could really make a big difference in my success - so that's definitely something o think about when considering UCF.
4. Mercer University (Macon, Ga)
Mercer is also in Macon. This would be a fantastic school to go to, plus it has one of the best Physical Therapy graduate programs in the country... however, my chances of attending here are about, well, nada. About $30,000 a year for tuition alone means either they give some really great scholarships, or the closest I'll get to Mercer is, well, on this list!
5. University of Florida (Gainesville, Fl)
Go Gators! 'Nuff said. I'd love to go to UF - have ever since I was little. However, UF is a very competitive school to get into. It would be nice, however, not to mention it too features a very nice Physical Therapy Graduate Program (My intended Doctorate after getting a Biology B.S.) I'm going to see how this one turns out, and if don't end up going here, I won't be supper-bummed or anything.
6. Meredith College (Raleigh, NC)
Meredith is a very out-there possibility, nor have I finished applying - another all women's school, they offer good financial aid, I here, and so far the communication I've had with them seems to be really nice. Everyone is willing to help and seems genuinely interested in you as a person. They seem very personal, also like Wesleyan. It being in NC is really appealing to me - I would love to go to college in NC! One of my favorite states. But NC is awfully far away from any of my family, loved ones, and friends - so I'm not really heavily considering going to Meredith. It's just a thought.
7. Brevard College (Brevard, NC)
Another really lovely college, and in NC - though I hardly know anything about Brevard and, like Meredith, I'm not really heavily considering going there. Yet to send in transcripts - might or might not, it depends on how things with other colleges work out as well.
As for Grad Schools for Physical Therapy, I have a lot of research to do, but so far I've found UCF, UF, UNF, Mercer, and a few Georgia Colleges offer Physical Therapy Doctorates. This is going to be a tough choice, not to mention I have no clue how I'll pay for it since federal aid is not offered in grad school, but I'll save it for later in the future, as I'm worrying about getting my Bachelor's at the moment.
Well, those are my choices for colleges right now! I'm excited to pick and go to a college, whichever that might be. Even if I technically already attend college, this is really a new and fascinating adventure for me. I can't wait to see how it turns out, and can't wait to graduate and be able to get a good job and see all my hard work pay off. I don't know if things will turn out like I expect them to, but suppose that's all part of the process. We'll see how to future turns out. For now though, while I know I'll end up choosing one and hopefully the right college, I'm finding it to be such a hard choice for me. If you have any advice or opinions, I would love to hear them. Please let me know, because it might really help. Thanks for reading, everyone!
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