Living With Diabetes Isn't Easy... Thankfully, Complaining About It Is

If I had a brand new beta cell for every time somebody told me, "I couldn't do that" in response to my telling them about having Diabetes, I would no longer have Type 1 Diabetes.

I do not know why people tell this to me. Do they think that it makes me feel better? Is it pity? Sympathy? Just a nice way to say, "Man, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with what you do"?

It does not make me feel better when people say this to me. It does not make me feel like a superior human being in the fact that I handle Type 1 Diabetes. It does not make me glow with self-satisfaction. It makes me feel separate from "normal" people. It makes me feel like I'm some nerdy freak who actually enjoys counting every single carb of the food that goes into my mouth, saying no to alcohol and testing my blood sugar multiple times a day. In fact, it really just make me want to strangle whoever it is who just said that to me and say, "Don't you understand??"

Still, I have to be fair. If someone had actually sat me down and explained to me the life of a Type 1 Diabetic before I ever got diagnosed, it is very likely that I would have said the very same thing. I couldn't do it. Needles were my biggest fear in the entire world. I could imagine no worse fate than to have ever gotten diagnosed with such a needle-loving disease. The one time somebody tried to test my blood sugar I ran screaming through the house at the top of my lungs until they finally gave up and left me in peace. And if I had known the bigger picture, that there is so much more to Type 1 Diabetes than just testing one's blood sugar and giving injections, I don't think I could have ever possibly fathomed having to cope with such a formidable illness.

But Diabetes didn't care about my inhibitions. For some reason forever unbeknownst to me, I was one of the few destined to have a faulty pancreas. It was not a choice - it just was. Which leads me to my point: saying I couldn't do it to living with Diabetes, to me, is an illogical statement. It doesn't matter whether or not you think that you could do it. The fact of the matter is, choosing to live a life with Type 1 Diabetes is not an option. It was both the hardest and simplest choice that I ever had to make: Life, or death.
Diabetes is a terrible disease. I never wanted to have to live with Diabetes. When I was in the hospital, I spent a long time thinking to myself, sure, living with Diabetes was possible, but what kind of life would that be? Was it one truly even worth living?

And you know what? It was. Life became immeasurably harder than I could have ever imagined, but I had been given only one life to live, one life to make the best of, and I couldn't let Diabetes ruin that for me.

I didn't choose a life with Diabetes, it chose me. Counting my carbs, giving myself daily injections, keeping glucose tabs on hand for lows, handling the physical, mental and emotional turmoil of an incurable disease, testing my blood sugar often, attempting to act the part of a pancreas in the place of the one that failed me... it's all part of the inconvenience that I must now deal with in order to enjoy the things that other people without my illness can enjoy. I will never get used to my life with Diabetes, nor will I ever enjoy the burden that it places on my shoulders. But I have adapted, and accepted, my condition - when before, if faced with the same obstacle, I would have never thought that I could. There is something about having Type 1 Diabetes that makes you realize how fragile and weak of a person you are; it happens when you must deal with the reality of your mortality so often on a daily basis. But having Diabetes, and conquering it, also teaches you valuable lessons and makes you so much more of a stronger person than you were before. Diabetes has completely changed my life, has changed my personality, has changed so many things about the person that I once was. But not all in bad ways. Diabetes has shown me that I can do things that I never thought that I could. It places fear in my life but gives me the strength to conquer my fears. Type 1 Diabetes has shown me that if something truly matters to you, it doesn't matter what stands in your way. You'll face it; if only to be able to hold on to that one precious thing that you treasure so dearly which, for me, is life.

Life with Type 1 Diabetes is harder than a life without, but I think that if others were faced with my disease, they would make the same choice that I did: which is to not only survive with Diabetes, but to thrive.

Kudos to my father for not only that last line, but for inspiring me to live, even with the struggle of having Type 1 Diabetes.
(And thanks to my awesome mom, too, who helped me learn how to kick Diabetes in the butt!)

Admiring Our Differences: D-Blog Week (Day 1)

Okay, I know that I am a week and a half late to post my blogs for Diabetes Blog Week, but I have been visiting Georgia and having a fantastic time so, well, life happens. :)


Here is the explanation for the first post:


Click for the Admiring our differences-Monday 5/9 Link List.
We are all diabetes bloggers, but we come from many different perspectives.  Last year, Diabetes Blog Week opened my eyes to all of the different kinds of blogs (and bloggers) out there – Type 1s, Type 2s, LADAs, parents of kids with diabetes, spouses of adults with diabetes and so on.  Today let’s talk about how great it is to learn from the perspectives of those unlike us!  Have you learned new things from your T2 friends?  Are D-Parents your heroes?  Do LADA blogs give you insight to another diagnosis story?  Do T1s who’ve lived well with diabetes since childhood give you hope?  Pick a type of blogger who is different from you and tell us why they inspire you - why you admire them - why it’s great that we are all the same but different!!


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My diagnosis has been so recent. It has hardly been a month since getting out of the hospital.

It's been hard.

I was in perfect health, I felt fine, I was athletic, I ate a good diet, I was 17.
Never, in all of my life, did I expect to find out I had Diabetes.

I will never forget those days I spent in the hospital.
The gross hospital turkey bacon, backpacks full of supplies from JDRF, the friends that came over to say hello, all the different nurses.
The tears when no one else was in the room.

One day I was at Senior Prom with my friends, the next, I was inches from death and then told that my life had forever changed.
I didn't really understand diabetes at first. I didn't understand that I was going to need insulin forever. I thought that the Doctor's were wrong, that they had diagnosed me improperly. I didn't know what having Diabetes meant for my schedule, my eating habits, my life.

And then I did begin to understand, as the week progressed. "She will have to take insulin for the rest of her life." The nurse clarified to my dad.
People began to tell me, "get well soon."

And I realized that I would never get well.

If it weren't for the support of my friends, my family, even my nurses, during this time, I don't know how I would have coped with it.
And so it is these people who inspire me.

My friends don't have Diabetes, my family has no history of Diabetes whatsoever. I do not know a single person except for one of my doctors and my dietitian who have Type 1 Diabetes. Out of all the Diabetics, only about 5% get Type 1. Can you believe that? What were my chances of getting Diabetes?

They were so slim it was crazy.
And yet I got it.

I am confident that in time God will make the purpose of my getting Diabetes apparent to me. With that I am sure. It has been so hard, it is an everyday struggle, but I know that surely there must be a reason. Is it to better relate to the world's suffering? Change the lives of other diabetics? Enable to better witness? Strengthen my own relationship with God, as I have become ever-so increasingly aware of my dependence on him? I don't know now, but I hope that someday, I will be able to look back and see.
Sometimes I get so worried, so distraught, but on the inside I do maintain peace, somehow I do always know that it's okay. Why do I fear? I ask to myself. God will take care of me. God controls all things. He will watch over me.
My relationship with God gives me the strength to keep on courageously living, despite the struggles of living life itself.
God inspires me.

So, it wasn't necessarily just one person or one group of people that inspired me on the trip from my diagnosis to learning to live with Diabetes. So many people in my life did little things that together impacted me in big ways. Their love and support was overwhelmingly wonderful.

My friends brought me gifts. They came by the hospital just to see me, to sit in my hospital bed with me, hold my hand, watch Mary Poppins and just give me company when I needed it. They were my shoulder to cry on. They left me kind words, or asked how I was doing, or came and visited me just to cheer me up. It made me want to be strong and conquer this Diabetes challenge for them; for my friends, my family, my boyfriend, for all the Diabetics out there. I wanted to be strong to show them that I could handle this. So that I could stay healthy and be around for a long time.

My Dad was always there, always loving, always caring, just as he had always done. He told me that even with Diabetes, I would not only survive, but I would thrive. I had my vision, I could feel, I had my arms and legs all connected to me. I had everything I needed to carry on living, and I would learn to get through this obstacle.

My mom was there, too, throughout everything. She was there in the hospital (hey - she took me to the hospital!), she hung out with me in the ER, she came over every morning even if she didn't necessarily have to, despite her busy schedule of managing her own business... a full-time job in itself. The last thing she needed was her kid getting Diabetes, which is like a full time job without pay. She didn't need the stress, the worry, the added financial strain, but never once has she complained about it. She's taken it in stride, like she always has. And that is so cool.
She was the one to give me insulin shots when I was too afraid to, when I couldn't get over the mental block of giving myself a shot. She was there for both of my first visits to the endocrinologist to learn about Diabetes right along side of me, even though it is not a disease we share. She puts up with my asking her to buy apples and diet coke every three days. She always reminds me to bring my insulin wherever I go, or to not forget to take my insulin shots (thank goodness for that!), and doesn't mind that when she asks how I am, I tell her what my blood sugar is. I was an emotional wreck but my mother's calm confidence assured me that while living with Diabetes was hard, living with Diabetes was possible. Where my friends, my boyfriend, my father and my collective community of Diabetes-Cheerleaders are the blueprints to my life, my mother is the person who brings everything together and makes it all happen. Thankyou, mom and dad!

My boyfriend, though far away, was worried and concerned. It really touched me to see how much he cared during that time. Joshua reminded me that in this struggle I was not alone, that he would always be there for me. Even though he may not have Diabetes, or know what it's like, I feel like he can understand. He's the one I went to - and go to - to speak my mind, to vent, to let him know how I'm feeling. He doesn't judge me or condemn me for sometimes feeling sad or still getting emotional because of my illness. He simply offers his love and support, encourages me to keep going, is still as good of a friend to me as ever. Joshua truly made learning to live with Diabetes possible, because no matter how messed up my life seemed to have become, ultimately I still had the joy of knowing that he was in my life. That alone made all the difference.

Everyone is so different. We all have our struggles, Diabetes or no. If I ever have a hard time remembering that, I stop and tell myself, everyone right now, at this very moment, is going through something that they find just as hard as I find having Type 1 Diabetes. Just because I have Diabetes doesn't make me the most unfortunate, miserable person on Earth. There are worse things that can happen, but they didn't. And though that fact is often overstated to me by others, for that I am thankful.

I admire every Diabetic out there, especially the ones whose blogs I have read. Most of them are older than me and have had Diabetes for much longer that I have. I love to hear about the way they cope with daily life, the sense of humor they have despite Diabetes, what their thoughts and takes on life are. I love to just remember that, looking past the Diabetes, they are - we are - normal people, too. All of us love many of the same things, like reading, friendship, walks outside or blogging. We do all of the same things that many other healthy people do. The Diabetes community, even if I have never met any of these people, reminds me that I am not alone; that I will never be alone in this struggle. That was a very important step for me to learn.

The moral of this post is basically that, Diabetes or not, so many people have touched my life, have made living with this latest struggle possible.

And for that I am endlessly grateful.

Caution: Fragile.

Death is patient, death is deep;

Death is slumber, peaceful sleep

Death is equal, death is kind

Death's of subtle, cunning mind;

Death caught me once, how could I forget

Dear Lord, please do not let death take me yet.

My life is fragile.

A string, a feather, a blade of grass -

Easily stepped on, snuffed out, blown away.

All of our lives, so easily broken.

Sometimes we forget, sometimes we remember.

But our lives are also so much stronger than they seem.

Each of us, imbued with a passion to live, a love of life.

Don't ever lose that passion.

When I first got diabetes, I felt like I had.

I had my life, but it hardly seemed like a life worth living.

But that's selfish.

There are so many people who prayed for me, who loved me, who took the time to tell me they care.

It would be selfish to not have a passion for living, to face life with the same drive and courage that I always had.

And I will face life like that - if for them even more than for myself.

Whoever is reading, please don't ever forget that God loves you.

That God made you special, that the reason you are alive right now, at this very moment, is because God has a very special plan for you, a plan made just for you, a purpose that ensures that your life is never in vain.

It could be something as great as changing the world.

Or something as simple and poignant as falling in love, which changes the world in its own little way.

You are here for a reason, a reason that no other person here on his Earth is alive for.

Cherish it.